Fellow empaths, people sparkling and bringing joy and light wherever you go (even if it is sometimes a crazy sort of light). I love you guys.
You guys fill the world with so much love, so much wonder.
It’s a blessing, joy, delight, privilege and all sorts of positive words to live in a world where you guys exist.
I love the world with all of you in it.
Which is why I want all of you, well, us, to thrive.
And I thought it’d be worth a good hard look at how we are NOT.
At first I wanted to say that we are special flowers that need special conditions to thrive, then I realized that maybe WE aren’t really that difficult to nurture and grow etc. but that the world we live in is designed AGAINST us.
It’s like..planting a cactus in a rainforest. It’s gonna die, not for its lack of hardiness.
I realized that empaths make a good barometer of whether or not our society is going in a healthy, sustainable, virtuous direction. Because we want everyone to do well and be happy.
So…the premise is this world is toxic for empaths, good news is, many of us adapted!
Bad news is…a lot of of the adapting is actually screwing us over in the long run.
We’ve learnt a lot of toxic values and perception that we decoded with our empathetic brains and ended up with some truly self-sabotaging and damaging habits and worldviews.
I don’t think I’ll be able to address them all in one post, but the first one is the ‘selfish’ thing.
SELFISHNESS means that your happiness is built on the misery of others. It’s possible for an empath to be accidentally selfish, but consciously selfish? I really don’t think so. Which means, as long as you are not actively hurting someone else, YOU ARE NOT BEING SELFISH BY CHOOSING THINGS THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY, BY PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST, BY LOVING YOURSELF AND BY VOICING WHAT YOU WANT. Having healthy boundaries set good examples for other people. And means you’re not enabling others to be assholes.
SELFLESSNESS IS NOT A VIRTUE. There are only very very very very VERY few situations in which self-sacrifice is the positive, virtuous answer. Usually, martyring yourself is one of those accidentally selfish things empaths do. You can’t help other people if you’re burning out and dying. Helping others at the cost of you burning out and dying is NOT positive in the least. You bring GUILT to people when you burn yourself out helping them. You risk yourself becoming full of grudge when you burn yourself out to help others.
YOUR happiness, health, well-being etc. is the SOURCE of all the beautiful things you can give people. Most empaths feel the most fulfilled when they are giving and making a difference. So here’s the deal, in order for you to be fulfilled and happy and helping people, you NEED to take care of yourself, ask for help, set boundaries and put yourself first. When you do, you’ll have infinite amounts of energy to give and NOT FEEL LIKE A SELF-LOATHING PIECE OF SHIT FOR NOT BEING STRONG ENOUGH. And suffering some strange guilt about not being happy that you’re sacrificing your own happiness.
We thrive in virtuous cycles, by that I don’t mean full of virtue, I mean the opposite of vicious cycles. We thrive in closed systems, where good begets more good and more and more good. And that good starts with YOU.
So love yourself. You practicing loving yourself inspires others to do the same, so love yourself if not for your own sake then that of others.
Finally, it’s no your fault you’re so fucked. It’s society’s, but that’s what we’re here for, to show a better way forward so we don’t end up with rain trees planted in deserts and cactuses in rainforests. We’re gonna do this right so we all live well and harmoniously. PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH PEOPLE! LOVE YOURSELF!!