On Rose Quartz and Pink Diamond

“Where were her attendants? Her sapphires? And where was her pearl?”

They were with her all along, her pearl, her sapphire, her ruby, her amethyst…

And in shattering Pink Diamond, she became the best diamond she could ever be, she became Rose Quartz.

On Rose Quartz and Pink Diamond

Otaku rant: Spring 2018 Anime

Just finished watching the latest episode of GGO, maaaan~~~

Spring 2018 ain’t half-bad a season.

I think there’s just enough fuzzy slice of life and action-packed drama to go around.

My top picks for this season definitely are:

  • GGO
  • Wotakoi
  • Rokuhoudou

I’ve definitely been intentionally delaying checking out:

  • Dorei-ku
  • Megalo

and a bunch of other animes from this season. Primarily because I know they’ll drain my EP and I have enough stress in life that at the end of a long day, all I wanna watch is yummy food being cooked and people fighting for fun and not for their lives

Hisone and Mato-san gets honorable mention just because it’s pretty funny but being the art snob that I am…yea…God knows how I sat through the first version of Horimiya anime…

Devils Line, for anyone curious, is good enough that I binged the manga. Which usually translates to me not watching the anime. (Which is also why Souma isn’t on this list because to me Souma isn’t ‘this season’s anime’, it’s ‘anime i’m saving for when the manga ends’.)

Piano no mori has my attention, I did watch half of the first episode and it was gorgeous, and I’m too busy lately to pay it the attention it deserves.

I also realize that more so than gaming, anime has been a more persistent aspect of my life.

Anyways, shout-out to last season’s Violet Evergarden, she’s definitely made it into my all-time favourite series.

Finally, I gotta spazz, of course I gotta, DIGIMON TRI: MIRAI!! Hasty ending, not the best animated movie but I’m satisfied because it corroborated so much of my fanfic and KYAAA GABUMON!! <3333

Okay, losing coherence so breaking off now.

Chocomon’s anime rant for Spring 2018-over and out!

Otaku rant: Spring 2018 Anime

We all have our paths

It’s been a while since I last blogged.

I met the most interesting lady yesterday, who has dedicated herself to an arduous path for a worthy cause.

She is absolutely dedicated and adamant in her cause to ‘serve Singapore’ and create a gracious world for her to live and grow old in.

I was very moved by that, in the moment.

Taking a step back though, I’m not saying that her cause isn’t important or worthy, but…every cause is important.

Perhaps it’s the explorer in me, I don’t feel comfortable limiting myself to one country and segregating myself. Why can’t I just serve whatever community and country which I am in? Must I stick a label on my forehead that says I am a person for a specific country? As a third culture kid, as someone who has inherited the best of so many places and cultures, as someone who sees herself as the child of the earth first and a citizen of a certain country second (or even third), can I say that?

I choose this present community to serve because in the current scheme of things, it’s where I can be most useful.

I digress.

My real point of writing this is to put into words, the importance of us recognizing the cause we are willing to dedicate ourselves to and NOT IMPOSING THAT ON OTHERS.

The loneliness is frustrating, but the world is a big place, and the only way we can keep this big machine of human society running well is if we all play our parts. And that means every group of us focusing on a cause that’s true to their hearts and supporting each other by doing what we each do best.

I can’t say kids or orphans aren’t as important as seniors, or refugees aren’t as important as the poor. Or culture and heritage isn’t as important as LGBTQ rights… the list goes on. We ALL matter. And we ALL have SOMETHING we can do and contribute.

If what we have now is a systematic problem, it needs a systematic solution, and that means letting others in the system tackle the problems in their realm, because the smooth-running of their component in the system will have a positive impact, no matter how small on your component. Or at least it’d ensure that you’re not dealing with second degree problems generated from THEIR problem.

Reality is a system of problems interacting with each other.

Which means the brighter future needs to be a system of solutions interacting with each other.

And you know what are the solutions? Us, we are the solution.

We must all be ourselves, and do what we each do best, in our own causes/calling/passion, whatever it may be.

It’s hard though, because we all do things differently. And the challenge is finding the unifying factor that allows us to work together, and at other times it’s accepting that the best synergy we can have is to NOT work together.

I don’t really know where I’m going with this anymore so I’m going back to work.

Chocomon out!

We all have our paths

Be kind to myself

I need to forgive myself, and recognize that I’m balking at things that don’t harmonize with me.

I’ve taken on a lot, but all the ‘a lot’ I’ve taken on are things that do nourish and harmonize with me, but my job isn’t bottomless giving or to fix or solve everything in the world.

I am already, in doing what I do, giving back and supporting in ways that are symbiotic for me. The people whom I have symbiotic relationships with support me as I embark on this crazy journey and my crazy journey in turn inspires and nourishes them, we’re on a happy adventure together.

The people who are on radically different journeys from me, we can meet once in a while, and I may play a certain role here and there, but it’s not symbiotic, at least not all the time. And I can’t and shouldn’t and don’t want to feel bad that I can’t give them what they want or be there for them. I know I could but it’s not symbiotic and doesn’t flow.

Just because I COULD substitute the job of  giant tree sloth doesn’t mean it’s in my nature to or that it’s sustainable for me to do so. It’s one thing if I’m undecided in my giving but I have a very clear goal that I’m contributing to.

I’m too busy tearing down the toxic structures that are in place in society to individually fix and guide people. That’s not the level I work at or am built to work at. I’m not saying it’s not important for individual journeys to be supported, but there are people out there who ARE doing such work, I’m just not one of them. My pack, yes, I’m there to share and shed light, but ultimately people who benefit and flourish in my presence are people who help themselves and merely need hints and perspectives, which are the things I have in spades.

I’m not a healer, I’m a creator, an explorer, a sharer.

I create the structures for people to make those shifts for themselves, and there’ll be others complimenting what I do by being the actual people who touch others, and personally guide and give.

Basically, I’m too busy and caught up designing a pipe system to have time or energy to personally deliver water to people. And I feel the faster I manage to get the system out, the quicker the people who have no water will have water, because there are enough water deliverers out there in the world.

But building a pipe system takes time and a lot of energy and I can’t afford to waste any of that time temporarily alleviating the thirst and drought. So I also don’t want to listen more than necessary, about thirst and how terrible it is, trust me I know. I only want to talk about better ways we can build the pipeline, and enjoy this process, because if I don’t, the process will be too hard for me to ever finish it. It’s play and enjoyment that results in the perseverance necessary.

So it’s not that I have no empathy or I want to invalidate, know the validation is there, know it’s recognized but fucking god dammit, unless you want to join me in fixing the problem, I don’t have time to listen to people who JUST WANTS TO CONTINUE SUFFERING AND NOT FIX THINGS.

Because trust me, your realization of the problem makes me glad but trust me when I say I definitely sense the urgency and dire-ness of the situation or I wouldn’t have thrown myself into the crazy endeavor that I’m now on. I wouldn’t go from building a theme park to trying to creating and trying transitional systems just because.

I can’t afford to have people take away any ounce of the energy and effort I have which I’ve dedicated to making the change I want to see, and I think does need to happen. And the times I’m playing and NOT working towards that? That’s time I need to recharge and also just appreciate the world so I have energy to sustain the work and path I’m on, to see the adventure through. It may sound terrible but people around me need to have the resilience to accept the shit show we’re in and fast forward to amelioration, I just don’t have time or energy and most importantly, the DESIRE to be pessimistic and emo.

Life and the world is too beautiful for that.

I guess this is a perfect example of optimistic grumpiness.

Be kind to myself

Pass the baton

He left behind songs for us, he left behind his voice. But we’ll never hear it grow or change beyond this point.

He spent so much of his suffering trying to ease the pain of others in any way he can, I know he has done enough.

But I’ll still miss his light, his voice and his music.

Part of me wants to say, with shining tears and unshakeable resolution in my eyes that world, you have taken the last of us from us. Your broken, toxic structures have taken the last of us, NO MORE.

But I know, we will still continue to lose more, and not for the lack of trying.

So, the truth is, we can’t save everyone.

How do I embrace this truth with love and move forward with it?

I’m digressing though. I wanted to write this post to remind myself, just how not-okay it is to let this current toxic model continue and perpetuate. We think they’re all small things, social media addiction, profit-mindset etc. These small things banded together to create a slow toxin that’s killed so many beautiful souls.

Those of us who have survived? We are not strong or special, we are lucky. We managed to find sanctuary. Those that have left us weren’t weak, they fought till their last breath. And still they left us with the tools to save others.

The current model is broken, it’s unsustainable, it breaks people, it takes wonderful beings and souls who bring so much life and light to this world. It HAS to go.

I love this world. The world isn’t broken. The current model is. The current value model, the current model of life is.

You know what’s the good news?

WE built this model, we made it, we created it. Which means WE can change it.

I’m not sure if we will adapt a friendlier model within this lifetime, but I sure as hell am going to make sure an alternative is in place and save as many fellow empaths as I can and help support and nurture them into full maturity.

We’re stronger when we are together. Our collective light shows people that it DOESN’T have to be a zero-sum game. It shows that mutual flourishing is the way it’s supposed to be.

I harbour no desire or addiction to cynicism.

As an author once said, it’s easy to be pessimistic. I refuse to take the easy way out. Cynicism is the easy way out.

The current state is just that, merely the state. It’s inevitable because the conditions are conducive for such a state. There’s nothing to be cynical about with such logical inevitability. You change the conditions.

You SHOW people, through experience, a different way, a better way.

Find what you love, and create conditions for that to happen.

I understand why our world is this way, and no, vast majority of the world is still surviving reasonably well under the system. It’s just the empaths who are surviving.

But I love a world full of  love and flourishing, a world full of thriving empaths.

So I’m going to do my best to do just that, create conditions for a world of thriving empaths.

I’m not trying to change a world, but I think a world full of thriving empaths will change itself for the better.

Be a lover not a fighter?

The strongest of warriors are those who fight for love.


Pass the baton

Listening to yourself, it gets easier

I’ve been practicing for the past month to listen to myself.

I notice that it’s been getting easier.

You don’t realize until you set the intent to do so, just how often we DON’T listen to ourselves.

Sounds ridiculous? I thought so too until I realized I was ignoring my stomach that was hungry, ignoring my aching back, ignoring my thirst, ignoring that desire to go to the toilet, ignoring that bugging feeling telling me I should say something or clear something up with someone…you get the idea.

We ignore a LOT of the signals our body and mind tries to tell us when something’s not going right.

I get it, tolerance is a virtue.

But ignorance ISN’T.

There’s a huge difference between acknowledging you’re hungry but you REALLY need to push through finishing the last paragraph of a proposal because if not the thought WILL fly away; and ignoring your body’s protest of hunger because you can’t be fucked to pause netflix and get a bowl of grapes.

I have noticed though, as the month passed, it’s been getting easier. In the past, when I’ll ignore my impulses and inner voices for pointless habits, such as leaving one plate and utensils in the sink instead of washing it immediately when I FEEL like washing it, because it’s just how I’ve always operated, I listen to the impulse.

If I wanted to ask someone something and the mood struck me, I just message them instead of adding it to my ever-growing to -do list that grows without ME adding to it.

Following my voices turns out makes me a much more disciplined person, I get more done now because I’m following my body and mind’s flow. Instead of trying to be regimented and go ‘NOW is reading time’ or ‘NOW is time for THIS research’, I do the work that speaks up to me the most.

You’d think it means I only do what I like, to be fair, I only try to keep things that contribute to my long-term wellbeing in my life, so there isn’t a whole lot that I hate. But still, I’ve found myself much for productive for it and magically getting EVERYTHING done. Because if I follow my moods for the work, the work becomes enjoyable and I’m more energized and somehow tasks flow into each other. I think it’s partially also because my mind knows it’ll be listened to, so there’s less resistance when you’re trying to be ‘disciplined’ (e.g HOLD THAT WARRIOR TWO LONGER!). We have harmony and teamwork! Also, I think because I’m more in sync with my physical and mental moods now, I realize that it’s also easier for me to ‘induce’ the mood to do something.

Of course, at the core of it…It’s really because I listen to myself and find out what conditions make me flourish accordingly…which well… eliminates a lot of energy required to overcome painful inertia which so many of us have. I don’t have to drag myself out of bed because I WANT TO, I don’t dread much in my day because even the stuff I don’t like doing contributes to what I love. I actively build an environment that’s flourishing for me.

I’m happier, more productive and also a person with better boundaries.

So..TLDR: listen to yourself, it’s good for you.

Listening to yourself, it gets easier

Dear future child of mine

I won’t tell you to play games moderately.

If games are where you find fulfillment in life then that’s where you find fulfillment in life. 

But i hope that no matter where you find fulfillment, be it games, work or school, please always remember to enjoy the real world. 

Be it the food, the relationships, the sun, the blue sky, the greenery or the sea and rivers and much more…

No matter what world you find yourself living in, that of a lawyer, a doctor, an artist etc. Please always remember to make time to experience and enjoy the real world. 

I don’t ask that you play games moderately, but i hope you don’t come to hate the real world. That no matter what you end up doing, you’ll always leave time and space to appreciate the beauty, awe and wonder of this magnificent place you were born into.

Dear future child of mine