This probably one of the most important posts I will write today and ever.
So although I really want to make noodles and have lunch, I’ll do this first. (Priorities right?)
I don’t exist to entertain anyone, I don’t exist to grant or serve anyone’s achievements, success or needs.
If I do do so, dedicate myself to supporting another person, it will not be because it is expected of me or demanded of me. But because I feel that they’re worth it and it brings me joy and fulfills my soul.
My life does not exist as some kind of supplement or inspiration to another person. Feel free to feel inspired by me all you want, but I do not exist solely for ANYONE’S benefit. My awesomeness, amazingness and interests exists to serve ME and whatever purpose I find fulfilling.
To be so incredibly ENTITLED, not selfish or self-absorbed, but ENTITLED, that everything that comes your way ought to serve YOU is revolting to me. Instead of finding and discovering interest and beauty in the world, to berate the world for not unravelling its mysteries to you and make itself attractive to you, I find..I have no words, for I am not disappointed, not quite sad, perhaps regretful is the best word.
I do not need to be interesting to anyone, anyone who is UNABLE to see for themselves the intricacies of a person has failed themselves and no one else.
The only person who has the right to be dissatisfied with their life is the person living it, for it is their choice to change it and make it what they want. To feel like you have the right to judge whether or not a person’s life is engaging…
People who truly care and love each other try to HELP those around them appreciate their lives, passions, or even monotony. To help them find beauty in their way of life.
To be told that my life is boring and I am uninteresting is so insulting to me, it’s like an order, asking me to jump through hoops and once the novelty of that has bled off, it’s time for me to start on the trapez.
MY enjoyment and growth and fulfillment of what I do never mattered. I could be going deeper, learning more, getting better but it would never matter. The only thing that matters is themselves, their growth and career and well-being and if you no longer serve that you are no longer of interest.
I am so much more than that and give the world so much more than that.
I do not need to be interesting for every person is interesting, I am curious about what I am curious about and will allow life and curiosity to lead me to discover new things, new places and try them.
To try new lifestyles, ways of living, meet new people, try new hobbies.
To be degraded, to have my curiosity and explorer’s soul gaslighted.
MY passion for living…*breaths*
It’s only because they are close to me that I allowed this.
My life needs no certification or approval, anyone who loves me will be happy for me as long as I’m happy, and my life doesn’t need to be interesting, it just needs to be fulfilling. And for curiosity and exploration is in my nature, it is fulfilling.
The bitter envy against my achievements, that I am no longer taking him higher,when it is he who does not want to come along, downplaying my growth, the spectacular improvements against my life. Feeding off my insecurity like a self-soothing drug.
You don’t need to pick up a new hobby every day, try a new thing or a new style every day to be interesting.
The human mind is rich, is amazing, not everyone will have the resources to travel the world, or to try every new activity in the world.
To only see events as events, as tools, when each meal, each experience is so sacred and there’s so much to be found in it.
I ache and I anger.
And I will inhabit my anger, my spark and my core calls for it.
When life is cheapened.
It is OUR job to find appreciation and pleasure even in the most mundane.
The world never owes us anything.
Blaming others and refusing to empower oneself, because it is the easiest.
I cannot save you from entitlement, because those who are entitled never want to be saved, they want to be served.
Whatever good that comes their way is owed to them and any bad that goes their way is injustice on their person.
I inhabit my sadness and anger, and let it be heard.
But there is so much happiness and good in the world, and I will be letting myself down if I let that sadness and anger consume my life and never live it to the max.
I am only good for myself and the people and world around me if I am at my best.
Look at my achievements, talks, people I do spread the spark to.
Things I’ve learnt, created, designed, drawn, knitted.
Individuals I’ve talked to, made think, surprised.
I am me and pretty damn awesome, not because I have value but because I am a person just trying to be themselves.