Mutual goal, shared fantasy, common understanding, call it what you will.
I’ve come to realize that without it, a relationship is going to be in a very bad place.
What is this shared fantasy I speak of?
The relationship narrative aka how you envision the relationship to be like.
It’s really important to be on the same page about this.
You’d think a couple is naturally on the same page as to what their relationship is like given that they’re IN it.
But we all know that when you’re IN something, the more likely you don’t know what the picture actually looks like.
So it is entirely possible for a couple to have a COMPLETELY different narrative of their relationship in their head. The internet has enough memes about it that I don’t need to elaborate.
So as ridiculous as it might sound, it’s really important to make sure that as a couple, you know what your common narrative is for your relationship and how you want the story to unfold and continue.
Ultimately, what is a relationship if not two people working together to realize a shared fantasy?
That’s what communication is for, communicating what your personal fantasy is and to mash both together to create a story that you’re both happy with and work towards realizing it.
It’s fine even if the shared fantasy is no strings attached or lets be free and easy.
What’s important is that it’s shared and communicated and MUTUALLY AGREED.
Dr Gottman said that Romance is a promise to always keep things magical for each other. Well his daughter said that.
But what’s magical differs from person to person, it’s important to know what the other person finds magical. Some people think dragons are magical while others think fireworks are magical.
Shared fantasy means that somewhere in that story you have a dragon that maybe breathes fireworks. I don’t know.
I’m still working on communicating and creating that common narrative that we can work towards to. So I can’t really advise on HOW to communicate to create this mutual goal.
All I know for now is that this goal, fantasy or story, whatever you call it is important.
Because there’s nothing more satisfying that realizing this goal/story/fantasy as a team with your partner.
Humans are simple beings, have a sense of achievement and our brain happily awards us with happy chemicals. I suppose addiction is bad, but there are probably worse things to be addicted to than mutual satisfaction and happiness.