The brutally honest valentines day letter 

The chocolates are $42. Yes, thats $4.67 per piece. I can probably buy you around 14 blocks of hershys chocolate that you’ll probably like more too. 

But apparently the expensive swiss chocolates im buying for you that you wont even fully appreciate is representative of my love for you, you’re stuck with your 9 pieces of fancy chocolates. 

Truth of the matter is, this holiday is an utter waste of money and energy, but we are celebrating it anyways because demonstrating  that i am willing to expend said money and energy is representative of my love for you. 

Do i really feel like running around buying plantains and cheese, dedicating 3 fucking hours of the day to nothing but baking and cooking today? Probably not. 

But i love you and because on any regular random day, i have no excuse to ask you to come home early and give me your entire evening, i need a fucking commercial holiday manufactured by shops and restaurants to justify my asking for your time.

And so, after blowing close to $200, i excluding the headphones, i hope you feel fucking loved and appreciated. 

I’m happy doing this for you, I really am. But lets not kid ourselves into thinking that you truly appreciate or understand the effort that went behind this entire celebration. I’m mentally prepared for you to go “aww” and be moderately touched and happy even though i slaved my butt off to blow your mind.

But if you’re wondering whether or not I’m disappointed by the lack of surprises and gifts on my end, let me also brutally honestly appease you in saying that im happy with my royce chocolates and i probably get more kick out of someone receiving presents happily than receiving them myself. 

Not that I’ll turn down any that comes my way. But lets face it, the chances of you knowimg what to get me is slim to none. Unless you somehow hacked my wishlist, which if you were willing to make the effort to hack, means that you’d be the sort to already know what it is that i like and need…so…the entire point is moot at this point.

Teuscher is the world’s top chocolatier, just so you know and I’m fully expecting you to forget the chocolates once theyre in the fridge and eat them up for you. So it’s not completely selfless. 

Then again, this whole endeavor in jtself isnt completely selfless. Im just trying to create a romantic situation so i can have my long desired special happy moment and memory with you. Because if i didnt make the fucking effort it’d ever happen. 

So happy valentines my dear. 

The brutally honest valentines day letter 

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