My decision to date.
I guess we should start by definition of dating.
Dating is meeting someone with romantic interest/expectation.
I mean ultimately that’s what separates a date and meeting friends right?
I don’t plan on meeting anyone with romantic or sexual interest or intentions. the end.
I plan on meeting people of course. but…
It’s stressful for me. dating. it’s really hard for me to be attracted to people. but it’s easy for them to mistake my infj catering of them as interest.. I don’t like just ignoring people.
I also just enjoy relationships, casual relationship or serious, that grows from friendship.
Ultimately. ..I don’t feel like I need to date to prove that I’m poly.
My goal in life to…love myself enough that I can appreciate any kind of love given to me.
So I’m not looking for people to fulfill my needs. I’m not like..hunting for more people to fulfill gaps in my needs and wants. in my value system…you should fulfill those yourself and not rely on others.
It’s not easy but that’s what im working towards and so to that end I’m more fulfilled spending time on myself than someone else.
Also..dating is…expanding hp to care for people who aren’t in my precious people circle. I care and love easily…involuntarily (by love I mean give, not to feel or recieve. It’s notoriously hard from me to feel loved, or heck, even attracted to someone.).
So I don’t want to..involuntarily spend limited and precious energy on stuff that yields negative rewards. especially not when I need those energies directed at myself.
I had a fulfilling day today..and it was all about me…marred by listening to my new found friend …bitch about his life..
Which like..as a nice person, I listen. but I wanna share too..and like really the only few people I feel satisfied room listen to them bitch are people close to me.
..so the frustrated rant happens now.
It’s easy for me to make people comfortable, feel trust…feel like I get along with them, when deep down all they make me feel is cold and empty and bored. and our of courtesy of being a nice and respectful person..I appreciate them and don’t…rudely shut these people off.
I just only click with a very particular subset of people and from that subset, only feel attraction and love from an even smaller subset.
I think a lot about relationships and the nature of them because emotions and relationships fascinate me. but my interest in participating is much lower.
Contemplating it is a form of emotional and spiritual growth for me. along with figuring out my values and emotions and needs.
…i dont seek to be IN them purely to learn from experience when I feel nothing.
I give a LOT in both friendship and relationships. it’s involuntary. so it’s fucking daunting to face countless of prospective takers.
I just want it to be understood that my lack of desire to have dates and play partners don’t reflect my nature or ability to love multiple people and my values that you can enjoy sex for sex.
I’m just…picky + can’t be fucked to try and hunt people because I have no need for others.
If such a person appears, if attraction grows from somewhere then..yay.
And it’s not cause I’m reliant on my current and only relationship. i just find it wrong to intentionally rely on relationships.
So yea. i choose to not date.
I’m happy with my low encounter rates.