If you are the type that just happens to love multiple people, please, please, don’t think you’re broken.
There’s nothing wrong with loving or desiring multiple people.
Society has arrived at monogamy for many reasons, but one of the reasons why polygamy is viewed so negatively is because our society has evolved in such a way whereby we view the rejection and suppression of our desires as a virtuous trait.
Monogamy is therefore ‘superior’ because you are resisting the temptation of other mates.
I get that logic, and I respect it.
But being polyamorous doesn’t make you some sex-crazed fiend with no self-control.
Polyamorous people fight a different, harder battle.
We are resisting our baser instincts of possessiveness and jealousy that our mate will be taken away from us.
In the first place, just because someone is polyamorous doesn’t mean that they’ll fall in love with everyone and anyone.
That’s about as accurate as assuming that homosexual people will fall in love with everyone and anyone who is of the same gender as them.
Just because polyamorous people are capable of loving multiple people at the same time doesn’t mean they will fall in love with just ANYONE.
The people they fall in love with are all special in their own ways.
It takes a lot of love and understanding to be polyamorous.
In some ways, it takes a bigger heart and more virtue to be polyamrous, because you are sharing. Because instead of feeling jealousy and envy, you’re choosing to feel compersion.
So no, being polyamorous doesn’t make you a bad person or someone who can’t love properly.
Your ability to love has nothing to do with monogamy or polyamory.
There also monogamous people who are shit at the whole love thing.
If you’ve cheated because you REALLY can’t control yourself and you just fell in love with someone else, if you do feel bad and you are wondering why you can’t stop falling in love with others, maybe it’s worth considering that you might be polyamorous.
And that you’ve become a cheater because you’re a polyamorous person trying to be monogamous. You’re trying to be something you’re not.
Of course, I urge you not to use the label of polyamory lightly.
If you want to use the label as an excuse just to sleep around because you have commitment issues, you’re not polyamorous, you have commitment issues.
And the worst absolute thing you can do is to use polyamory as a shield against your monogamous partner.
IT’S NOT THEIR FAULT THEIR MONOGAMOUS.
You are NOT superior to them.
It just means that you guys probably aren’t very good for each other, unless you choose to adopt monogamy for their sake. In that case you signed on to not look outside the relationship and the moment you do, you ARE cheating. You’re making the conscious choice to cheat, even if you can’t control it.
We can’t enforce monogamy or polyamory on others any more than we can enforce sexual orientation on people.
So how do you know if you’re just polyamorous and not someone with a cheating problem?
Well, first ask yourself, WHY are you cheating.
If you cheat because you just can’t control and can’t help falling in love with others…well it’s more likely that you’re poly.
If you cheat because it’s exciting and you ENJOY cheating..well…I think you have a cheating problem.
Because you CAN cheat in polyamorous relationship. As long as you’re not being honest to your partner, that’s cheating.
So if you imagine yourself still going behind the back of your partner even if your relationship is opened up…
I’m sorry, you have a CHEATING problem. You are NOT polyamorous.
But if you realize that you’re able to be committed in a relationship where you’re also able to be in other relationships.
There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re just not cut out for monogamous relationship.
And that’s about as un-okay as not being cut out for 9-5 jobs.
It’s a social stigma, but you as a person isn’t broken.