Who I am hates who I’ve been…nope.


Who I am loves who I’ve been because who I’ve been made the effort and hard choices to become who I am.

So today’s blog post is about making future me love current me a little more.

I’m a contradiction in a nutshell, I love that, but there’s something I can work on.

It ironic really, I excel that things I don’t care about.

More specifically, I’m successful at things I don’t take seriously.

This may seem contradictory, because how is it that the harder you try, the more you fuck up?

Well there’s this thing called anxiety.

I’m really shit at dealing with my anxiety, for me taking things seriously=becoming anxious over it.

The only time anxiety decides to leave me alone is if I can’t be fucked about the issue at hand.

Thankfully, I’m the sort that puts in 200% into things, so even when I’m anxious about something, having the result halved still gives us 100%.

But really, I wish I’m able to flip this switch whereby at situations that is really serious and really counts, I can switch that anxiety off and just DO IT.

So yea, performance anxiety.

How does one work on this?

Stop taking everything so seriously?

Or stop emotionally taking everything seriously but in action to continue being serious about it?

Sounds about right, it’s always a balance of contradicting emotions ideas that makes things work.

And also to stop taking people’s comments to heart, I’m doing pretty good with the ‘lets just not read it’. But I need to level up and go to ‘I’ve read it, I respect it, and I still stand my ground’.

That calls for so much confidence that I don’t have (yea, believe it or not), but I guess the only way to fix it is to just charge at it headfirst.

It’s hard to balance taking and absorbing people’s comments and ignoring the useless insults.

How do you filter?

When should you listen even if it hurts?

But if it was easy, it’s not worth doing.

And at the end of the day, I’m grateful that I’ve been blessed by a gut that won’t lead me wrong.

So thank you instincts.

Well I guess now it’s just…lets do it (irony in the world that this blog post is saying the same thing the documentary that is showing in class is. Thanks Nike!)

Chocomon out.

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Who I am hates who I’ve been…nope.

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