In many ways, I’d make a really good housewife.
I can cook, I can clean, I can do laundry, I can sew.
The only thing I suck at is folding and ironing clothes, but that’s okay, that’s what dry cleaning is for.
I realized that the main reason why I can’t be a housewife is because I WILL GO ABSOLUTELY CRAZY.
Basically, if I’m stuck in the same place doing the same thing for too long, I get cabin fever.
I just NEED, I by need I mean DESPERATELY NEED to go out and stretch my legs and see the world and experience new things and do something new and interesting and crazy.
Apparently it’s a distinctive attribute of mine, this passion for life.
I love experiencing new things.
In contrast, I hate being tied down to a metaphorical ship that is always at the same old run down port that is going nowhere.
Which is kind of where I am right now.
I keep seeing (I wanted to say “feeling” but then I realized it lacked factual evidence) the grow and change, new ideas, new things emerging everyday.
Yet, the things I’m stuck in isn’t even TRYING to move.
It’s so resistant to change it’s driving me NUTS.
Basically I’m getting a metaphoric cabin fever.
For the love of god, the leading creative industries have moved on to co-working space and we have barely gotten into the habit of getting all our work and action plans on the wall.
It’s very despairing and NO ONE GETS IT.
Which basically makes it more despairing.
And for a company full of 20-30 year olds, WE ARE SO UNENTHUSIASTIC AND DULL.
What happened organizing retreats, or pot-luck?
Okay, fine, we’re too damn busy.
But really, a little enthusiasm won’t kill anyone.
There’s definitely pressure going on in the office but most of it isn’t the passionate stress, it’s the “FML” stress.
There isn’t fervent sharing of information, exchanging of tips etc.
WE ARE A CREATIVE INDUSTRY, A MEDIA COMPANY.
Alright, so right from the counter, we are really…corporate and old-school.
Yea, I’m not helping my case.
Can you imagine being the only modern person in a room full of pre-historic people, trying to modernize them?
That’s pretty much how I am.
And it’s so maddening, WE HAVE SO MANY OPPORTUNITIES OUT THERE!
But NOOOO, lets RESIST.
Because things are in ENGLISH!
Because it’s too EXPENSIVE.
Because it’s too NEW.
Because it’s too MODERN!
Media of the current century have so many opportunities, so many things to do, they sky is the limit, the horizon for us is so wide I can’t even see where it begins and where it ends.
IT’S SO EXCITING!!!
And our people are just slogging their days away, comfortable in their oldies music and nonchanging lives.
OH MY GOD I AM SO FRUSTRATED.
WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE MAKING A CHANGE, CHANGING THE WORLD!!
Be a little more EXCITED ABOUT IT!
It’s like, WE CAN CHANGE SINGAPORE! *faces a bunch of bored tired face*
You know what I really feel like?
I really feel like telling everyone “look, if you don’t wanna make your life worth something, if you don’t wanna change anything, if you just wanna live a normal meaningless life, GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE COMPANY NOW. WE DON’T NEED YOU.”
No guts I swear, NO GUTS.
Everyone keeps compromising with reality.
I get it, okay, you need to make balance, make compromises with existing sponsors, okay.
But where is the spreading of passion.
Of we can make a difference.
WHERE IS THE ENTHUSIASM, THE DREAM, THE IDEAL, THE HOPE, THE PASSION!!??
We have platforms A-Z.
Who gives a fucking damn.
But no, it isn’t my company, I don’t get to say “get the fuck out if you can’t get your head out of your ass to SEE THE WORLD.”
We aren’t a big company.
If we are, then it’s fine.
We just need a few passionate people, everyone else can be all blah and unenthusiastic because we can spread the work thin enough amongst a lot of people that you don’t need passion.
WE ARE A STUDIO, A SMALL COMPANY, A TEAM.
If there isn’t passion from our receptionist to our cleaning lady, WE ARE DOOMED.
I am so damn frustrated.
It isn’t about the espresso machines, or the beautiful pantry or fringe benefits.
It’s about getting everyone on board.
But there is so much scoffing and belittling and I’m hurt.
I just don’t want to help anymore.
This isn’t MY DREAM, it isn’t MY VISION.
This is just a picture I’m given to help realize.
Sadly, I’m the only who seems to give a damn about the picture.
I want go somewhere with this ship, even if it’s old, rickety and broken, I don’t care about that.
I care though if the ship doesn’t wanna set sail, doesn’t want to go anywhere.
Then don’t waste my damn time.
So the productive part of me is telling me to go write a speech and make a presentation.
The tired part of me is telling to write a resignation letter, I QUIT.
I’m not here for the money, I’m here to make a difference.
With my time back, I can go places, see things, learn things, experience things.
Yea I got cabin fever.