Memories


I don’t know if I’m physically sick or mentally sick or both.
 
Everything seems…grey?
 
I feel like my life is crumbling around me….though it really isn’t.
 
I just want to be left alone…..no really, if anyone comes to ‘comfort me’ now, i’ll really explode.
 
God knows I literally ‘put up’ with comforts. Which aren’t really that comforting at all.
 
Dammit.
 
I can’t do anything, think anything, say anything that won’t bring back memories.
 
Ironic really.
 
I’m living off sheer will and happy memories.
 
But then the bad ones just keep popping up and remind me how much everything hurts. 
 
So now, I’m basically happy for like 10 seconds and then emo again then happy again and emo again.
 
I honestly don’t think that this is healthy.
 
And for once I don’t think music is going to save me.
 
I can’t listen to ANYTHING without crying, so it’s safer to NOT listen to anything.
 
But I’m still listening to possibility though it made me cry…i can’t really count.
 
I think I’m trying to cry all these emotions out of me, and as past experiences tell me, it DOESN’T WORK.
 
Actually come to think of it this really is de ja vu.
 
I remember getting dumped for the SAME reason.
 
Which is basically-‘MY life is screwed, so I want to dump you’
 
 
Yes the realization made things even more bleak.
 
This time I’m waiting.
 
Please someone tell me that all this hardwork and waiting will pay off?
 
Because I feel dumber EVERYDAY.
 
Dumber more hurt more scared and more sorry.
 
Honestly, I just want to leave.
 
The past month basically showed me that my life and the people around me…well it just makes life really really really…despairing.
 
I want to change school, leave the country, move out.
 
Meet NEW people, NEW problems. I’d rather deal with those. Cause at least I ASKED for it.
 
Everything around me just keeps reminding me how BAD life is getting.
 
I just want to get out…but hell even REALITY is against me.  
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Memories

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