And the conclusion

It’s almost 2am.

That translates to, I really need to go to bed because I have to wake up early tomorrow and get shit done in life.

So…with my very sad college situation.

I think we all know that at this point, short of a graduate education, I REALLY don’t want to go back to school again. And definitely not in this country.

So short of going overseas for a few years to finish my degree, which I’m really not planning because…frankly I think I have my shit together now. And it’s pretty good shit. (ALTHOUGH I will admit the degrees are tempting.)

Which comes down to making the hard decision:

  • I want to just FINISH the fucking degree because
    • It’s good to have it to fall back on for whatever reasons
    • I want to be able to enroll myself into Masters and stuff, and I CAN’T BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE A BA AND IT’S ANNOYING THE SHIT OUT OF ME
    • If I ever want to take out a bank loan, it’s nice to have
  • I don’t want to go back to school in person
  • I want to study for the shortest possible time on the cheapest possible tuition.

Well then, that really doesn’t leave me with the choice of studying anything I LIKE or WANT.

At the end of the day, I value the knowledge more. And guess what, KNOWLEDGE THESE DAYS IS FREE ON THE WEB.

We ARE paying for certification. That’s the sad reality of it.

With that in mind, if all I need is a passable certification, then I’d choose the one that costs me the least financially and…everythin-ly, And then get an education I actually WANT by myself via what’s available online.

So basically I’ve already made up my mind, although I’m open to that interior design course, just saying. But that looks like it’s unlikely to happen and I don’t want to go back to school proper to do it.

That leaves me, effectively, with 3 choices, but it’s really 2.

So there is that.

Just..TAKE MY MONEY AND GIVE ME THE DAMN PAPER SO I CAN NOT USE ANY MONEY AND ACTUALLY LEARN SHIT.

Ironies in life.

And the conclusion

Yes, we are ranting about this..AGAIN

It seems like EVERY TIME I start looking at college courses..I go into a rage-induced rant.

I just…I said this once, I said this twice, I’ll say this again. FORMAL EDUCATION AND I DO NOT GET ALONG.

There’s just…

It’s either the school isn’t good enough, I have no time, quality of lecturers is an issue or enrollment is so much of a hassle or I have to travel abroad like.

I KNOW WHAT I WANT TO LEARN.

I’m even willing to learn shit I really DON’T WANT TO LEARN.

BUT HELL, JUST LET ME LEARN.

But NOPE.

There are all these hurdles and problems and irrelevant courses and..

I can’t even.

The problem with me not being able to redeem credits from all the awesome online courses I’ve been taking bugs me. Really bugs me.

Just..*sigh*

Like it always ends up being, okay lets just get this shit over with…pick whatever degree for now..

I really don’t like that.

It displeases me, it upsets me.

Like, I’m at a point where I’m like. I just need a fucking degree so I can move on with life.

But I don’t wanna spend money on something where I won’t learn anything.

But what I want to learn I can’t even pay to get it…it’s…annoying.

Yes, we are ranting about this..AGAIN

Lets do this

I frankly have no points right now.

But if I don’t do it now and get it out of my system it will fester.

So lets get this over with.

It is time to..REFLECT ON MY MISTAKES.

Okay so not mistakes, more like things I haven’t been doing well.

Yea, facing your flaws. How fun.

But it is necessary.

Be brutal with yourself.

  • Laundry, haven’t been doing it well!
  • Yoga and Ritual twice a week each. Getting there, could be better
  • Following up with Coursera and readings
  • Cooking: no more mood lately..should try to get back into it
  • Planning better family days

Okay so it’s not  THAT bad.

Just need to….I HAVE NO CLUE. Just get your shit together.

*nods*

I need my fish slaps.

Lets do this

Find meaning

I think the reason why most people hate their jobs is  because they can’t find meaning in it.

I mean the pay and benefits can be good, but if you don’t find meaning in your job, you will eventually question why you’re doing what you’re doing. If you’re not getting emotional satisfaction in something that you invest so much time and effort in, of course you’re want to quit.

But is quitting the only way to fix this problem. Quit and do what you love, what you are really passionate about.

I don’t think so.

I’m not saying entrepreneur is a bad way to go, but too many of them, the clockwork in which society runs on fails. And instead of having out most talented move out of the system, why can’t we improve the system?

Yes, I’m talking about helping each and every job in the system find meaning.

If a man who works at a fruit stand can love his job because he finds meaning in making people happy, I’m sure we can do the same for many other jobs.

And sometimes, meaning in the job doesn’t have to be related to the actual job itself.

You could be doing a mundane desk job, but if you feel like you’re part of a greater community and from time to time your job allows you to make a difference in some way, you’ll stay because you know that being a wheel in this clockwork is worth it .

Everyone wants to see their contribution, know that they’ve made a difference.

So why can’t we help these people find it?

Just saying, it’s also a good business idea, helping businesses find meaning for their jobs.

Find meaning

15 minutes to save the world?

Nah the world doesn’t need saving.

I have 15 minutes to eat breakfast and be my own shrink.

So what’s bothering me.

Lets see:

  1. General detachment from my pack. As in not I’m purposely detaching myself, my pack is detached from me. Annie is off..recovering. Can’t fault her on it. She is the die. Mom is..I have no idea. She’s dying too because she’s so crazy busy, but like, wow, it’s not even like I’m not home. I AM home but she’s never home and even when we have family day she’s on her phone half the time. And she won’t go see a doctor for her foot, I can’t even find time to sit her down to catch up or drag her to see doctors of any sort. Well I have Pebbi, Pebbi’s busy too. Busy=low points. And I’m busy too. I’m just clingy.
  2. I HATE being clingy. I’M NOT A CLING. I don’t need that much time, but I just don’t like feeling detached from people, like not knowing what goes on in their life. That and once again we’re at the ‘I could really use some support in my life right now but hey what the fuck everyone’s out of the count again’. SUCK IT UP AND DEAL WITH IT. YOU DON’T NEED PEOPLE.
  3. And then I feel like a horrible person because I can’t be there for others because I’m in a shitty state.

WHY AM I ALWAYS IN A SHITTY STATE.

Like why can’t I just be okay, be good.

Because being not okay is the privilege of people who have others who are there for them.

And we all know I can’t depend on people who have their own shit to deal with because I’ll feel like the worst person in the world.

 

Next order of matters.

Okay really. I really really really really REALLY hate it when I send long messages and it doesn’t get a response or acknowledged.

It’s like, wow, I know I may be excessive, but please, AT LEAST FUCKING ACKNOWLEDGE IT.

My emotions feel ignored

Maybe you’ve read it and acknowledged it. I DON’T KNOW.

I NEED SIGNS AND RESPSONSE!

To sum it up:

  • I’m stressed
  • I’m worried
  • I need support
  • I’m angry

Wonderful way to start the day.

And see this is why, I’m a stronger and better person when I’m alone. I should just…be alone for a bit. *SIGH*

CAN’T WIN.

NO NO MUST BE POSITIVE. SUNNY DAY! NO RAIN!

Okay I need food.

You know, I need sugar when I’m upset and when I work loads but sugar fucks with my stomach.

So I saw again.

YOU CAN’T WIN.

I swear I’m a positive person.

Lol.

 

15 minutes to save the world?

No thinking allowed

I’m not going to think about curation today cause I have no points, I’m just going to end up feeling emo and like shit.

But before I stop, let’s just put it out of our heads here:

Local voices
Foreign voices
Types of people
Race
Community
Big ideas
Small ideas
Age
Inspirational or informational?
New angles or new information?
Topic area…
Fun or serious?
Community or corporate.
Doing good?
Way of life?

I have 13 talks to assign to one of all the above.

No thinking allowed