Pass the baton

He left behind songs for us, he left behind his voice. But we’ll never hear it grow or change beyond this point.

He spent so much of his suffering trying to ease the pain of others in any way he can, I know he has done enough.

But I’ll still miss his light, his voice and his music.

Part of me wants to say, with shining tears and unshakeable resolution in my eyes that world, you have taken the last of us from us. Your broken, toxic structures have taken the last of us, NO MORE.

But I know, we will still continue to lose more, and not for the lack of trying.

So, the truth is, we can’t save everyone.

How do I embrace this truth with love and move forward with it?

I’m digressing though. I wanted to write this post to remind myself, just how not-okay it is to let this current toxic model continue and perpetuate. We think they’re all small things, social media addiction, profit-mindset etc. These small things banded together to create a slow toxin that’s killed so many beautiful souls.

Those of us who have survived? We are not strong or special, we are lucky. We managed to find sanctuary. Those that have left us weren’t weak, they fought till their last breath. And still they left us with the tools to save others.

The current model is broken, it’s unsustainable, it breaks people, it takes wonderful beings and souls who bring so much life and light to this world. It HAS to go.

I love this world. The world isn’t broken. The current model is. The current value model, the current model of life is.

You know what’s the good news?

WE built this model, we made it, we created it. Which means WE can change it.

I’m not sure if we will adapt a friendlier model within this lifetime, but I sure as hell am going to make sure an alternative is in place and save as many fellow empaths as I can and help support and nurture them into full maturity.

We’re stronger when we are together. Our collective light shows people that it DOESN’T have to be a zero-sum game. It shows that mutual flourishing is the way it’s supposed to be.

I harbour no desire or addiction to cynicism.

As an author once said, it’s easy to be pessimistic. I refuse to take the easy way out. Cynicism is the easy way out.

The current state is just that, merely the state. It’s inevitable because the conditions are conducive for such a state. There’s nothing to be cynical about with such logical inevitability. You change the conditions.

You SHOW people, through experience, a different way, a better way.

Find what you love, and create conditions for that to happen.

I understand why our world is this way, and no, vast majority of the world is still surviving reasonably well under the system. It’s just the empaths who are surviving.

But I love a world full of  love and flourishing, a world full of thriving empaths.

So I’m going to do my best to do just that, create conditions for a world of thriving empaths.

I’m not trying to change a world, but I think a world full of thriving empaths will change itself for the better.

Be a lover not a fighter?

The strongest of warriors are those who fight for love.

 

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Pass the baton

Listening to yourself, it gets easier

I’ve been practicing for the past month to listen to myself.

I notice that it’s been getting easier.

You don’t realize until you set the intent to do so, just how often we DON’T listen to ourselves.

Sounds ridiculous? I thought so too until I realized I was ignoring my stomach that was hungry, ignoring my aching back, ignoring my thirst, ignoring that desire to go to the toilet, ignoring that bugging feeling telling me I should say something or clear something up with someone…you get the idea.

We ignore a LOT of the signals our body and mind tries to tell us when something’s not going right.

I get it, tolerance is a virtue.

But ignorance ISN’T.

There’s a huge difference between acknowledging you’re hungry but you REALLY need to push through finishing the last paragraph of a proposal because if not the thought WILL fly away; and ignoring your body’s protest of hunger because you can’t be fucked to pause netflix and get a bowl of grapes.

I have noticed though, as the month passed, it’s been getting easier. In the past, when I’ll ignore my impulses and inner voices for pointless habits, such as leaving one plate and utensils in the sink instead of washing it immediately when I FEEL like washing it, because it’s just how I’ve always operated, I listen to the impulse.

If I wanted to ask someone something and the mood struck me, I just message them instead of adding it to my ever-growing to -do list that grows without ME adding to it.

Following my voices turns out makes me a much more disciplined person, I get more done now because I’m following my body and mind’s flow. Instead of trying to be regimented and go ‘NOW is reading time’ or ‘NOW is time for THIS research’, I do the work that speaks up to me the most.

You’d think it means I only do what I like, to be fair, I only try to keep things that contribute to my long-term wellbeing in my life, so there isn’t a whole lot that I hate. But still, I’ve found myself much for productive for it and magically getting EVERYTHING done. Because if I follow my moods for the work, the work becomes enjoyable and I’m more energized and somehow tasks flow into each other. I think it’s partially also because my mind knows it’ll be listened to, so there’s less resistance when you’re trying to be ‘disciplined’ (e.g HOLD THAT WARRIOR TWO LONGER!). We have harmony and teamwork! Also, I think because I’m more in sync with my physical and mental moods now, I realize that it’s also easier for me to ‘induce’ the mood to do something.

Of course, at the core of it…It’s really because I listen to myself and find out what conditions make me flourish accordingly…which well… eliminates a lot of energy required to overcome painful inertia which so many of us have. I don’t have to drag myself out of bed because I WANT TO, I don’t dread much in my day because even the stuff I don’t like doing contributes to what I love. I actively build an environment that’s flourishing for me.

I’m happier, more productive and also a person with better boundaries.

So..TLDR: listen to yourself, it’s good for you.

Listening to yourself, it gets easier

Dear future child of mine

I won’t tell you to play games moderately.

If games are where you find fulfillment in life then that’s where you find fulfillment in life. 

But i hope that no matter where you find fulfillment, be it games, work or school, please always remember to enjoy the real world. 

Be it the food, the relationships, the sun, the blue sky, the greenery or the sea and rivers and much more…

No matter what world you find yourself living in, that of a lawyer, a doctor, an artist etc. Please always remember to make time to experience and enjoy the real world. 

I don’t ask that you play games moderately, but i hope you don’t come to hate the real world. That no matter what you end up doing, you’ll always leave time and space to appreciate the beauty, awe and wonder of this magnificent place you were born into.

Dear future child of mine

Another chapter

There are no horns, gongs or heavenly announcements when you get over something, anything. Rather, you wake up or simply realize one day that whatever was bothering you, be it an insecurity, a haunting memory or a fear, have simply melted away. Sometimes, there are indeed small signs. A different dream, a sense of lightness. But they’re usually subtle.

No one signals the start of a new chapter for us, we are the ones who make that distinction. Doesn’t it make you wonder, do we make a new chapter when we’ve realized in hindsight that we’ve long-since embarked on one, or do we eventually get over whatever it was because we decided to embark on a new chapter?

Another chapter

Thriving corns

Fellow empaths, people sparkling and bringing joy and light wherever you go (even if it is sometimes a crazy sort of light). I love you guys.

You guys fill the world with so much love, so much wonder.

It’s a blessing, joy, delight, privilege and all sorts of positive words to live in a world where you guys exist.

I love the world with all of you in it.

Which is why I want all of you, well, us, to thrive.

And I thought it’d be worth a good hard look at how we are NOT.

At first I wanted to say that we are special flowers that need special conditions to thrive, then I realized that maybe WE aren’t really that difficult to nurture and grow etc. but that the world we live in is designed AGAINST us.

It’s like..planting a cactus in a rainforest. It’s gonna die, not for its lack of hardiness.

I realized that empaths make a good barometer of whether or not our society is going in a healthy, sustainable, virtuous direction. Because we want everyone to do well and be happy.

So…the premise is this world is toxic for empaths, good news is, many of us adapted!

Bad news is…a lot of of the adapting is actually screwing us over in the long run.

We’ve learnt a lot of toxic values and perception that we decoded with our empathetic brains and ended up with some truly self-sabotaging and damaging habits and worldviews.

I don’t think I’ll be able to address them all in one post, but the first one is the ‘selfish’ thing.

SELFISHNESS means that your happiness is built on the misery of others. It’s possible for an empath to be accidentally selfish, but consciously selfish? I really don’t think so. Which means, as long as you are not actively hurting someone else, YOU ARE NOT BEING SELFISH BY CHOOSING THINGS THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY, BY PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST, BY LOVING YOURSELF AND BY VOICING WHAT YOU WANT. Having healthy boundaries set good examples for other people. And means you’re not enabling others to be assholes.

SELFLESSNESS IS NOT A VIRTUE. There are only very very very very VERY few situations in which self-sacrifice is the positive, virtuous answer. Usually, martyring yourself is one of those accidentally selfish things empaths do. You can’t help other people if you’re burning out and dying. Helping others at the cost of you burning out and dying is NOT positive in the least. You bring GUILT to people when you burn yourself out helping them. You risk yourself becoming full of grudge when you burn yourself out to help others.

YOUR happiness, health, well-being etc. is the SOURCE of all the beautiful things you can give people. Most empaths feel the most fulfilled when they are giving and making a difference. So here’s the deal, in order for you to be fulfilled and happy and helping people, you NEED to take care of yourself, ask for help, set boundaries and put yourself first. When you do, you’ll have infinite amounts of energy to give and NOT FEEL LIKE A SELF-LOATHING PIECE OF SHIT FOR NOT BEING STRONG ENOUGH. And suffering some strange guilt about not being happy that you’re sacrificing your own happiness.

We thrive in virtuous cycles, by that I don’t mean full of virtue, I mean the opposite of vicious cycles. We thrive in closed systems, where good begets more good and more and more good. And that good starts with YOU.

So love yourself. You practicing loving yourself inspires others to do the same, so love yourself if not for your own sake then that of others.

Finally, it’s no your fault you’re so fucked. It’s society’s, but that’s what we’re here for, to show a better way forward so we don’t end up with rain  trees planted in deserts and cactuses in rainforests. We’re gonna do this right so we all live well and harmoniously. PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH PEOPLE! LOVE YOURSELF!!

Thriving corns

Go in peace

Celebrity deaths and suicide rarely hit me hard, but this one is a bit of a sore spot for me.

Jonghyun’s voice, his music, his songs, have supported me through countless sleepless nights. His music gave me solace when I had depression. And I wonder if he knew how many of us he’s saved through his music, would it have given him a bit of light at the end of his tunnel?

But I stay true to my values, I feel that if a person was in so much pain, suffering and unhappiness that they chose death over all else, then that is their right. And I hope they find peace. I hope he found peace and relief the moment before he left this world. That he wasn’t carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders anymore.

Not everyone commits suicide for the same reasons, I know that; and people cry out for help because they don’t want to die. Some people want to know they’re not alone. But there are also some for whom life is more painful that it is beautiful, and the darkness that constantly looms over those with depression is not one that I can explain with words that’d do it justice. I know that friends and family will be sad, but to keep living only to keep people you love and care about from feeling sad… for that to be your ONLY reason to live… Will you want someone you love to suffer and stay alive just because of you? I’m sure he’s fought with it, and ultimately decided that his own happiness, or at least relief is more important.

I will miss this person’s music, but he’s put so much good into this world while he was here, brought millions of people joy, peace, solace and so much more. He’s done more than enough.  Thank you for everything you’ve done and given us.

But my whole purpose of this post however, is to break the trend of shaming people who commit suicide. There are religions that condemn those who kill themselves to hell. Where is the compassion? Isn’t it more selfish to demand someone suffer and live? WE should be ashamed that we have created a world, a situation so painful that a person’s only solace is death. We all inherently want to live, so to have pain so great that it overrides that will, or to have that will broken… The problem isn’t them, it’s us.

And maybe, just maybe, if suicide is seen as an acceptable option, or at least one that will be understood despite the pain it will bring, less people will do it. Like I said, the stress of staying alive just to please, or not upset another person…people in dark places don’t need it. I know I would feel very loved, more loved than if someone desperately tried to stop me from dying, if they told me that they respect and accept if death is the only way I can find peace and happiness, even though they will be very sad about it because they want me around and would prefer a world with me in it than without, but they don’t want me to live out of such obligation, that their primary desire is my happiness. I think if someone told me that, I’d be more open to trying other ways to find light at the end of the tunnel.  Because it won’t feel like an all or nothing, it’ll feel more like, well if nothing works, I’ve tried and death really is the best option for me.

Shaming suicide drives people into a corner, and makes it seem like the only viable option over one of many. I believe that a world that doesn’t judge suicides will be one that’s compassionate enough for people to open up and ask for help.

So, if anyone who is reading this is contemplating ending their life, I don’t know you, I can’t tell you what you have to live for. I’d like to tell you that even though it doesn’t look it, the world is a beautiful and amazing place, but if you’re in a state where there’s too much darkness and you’re simply too broken to enjoy it, I understand. I hope the choice brings you solace and peace and not suffering. But I also hope that you’ll look inside yourself, remember the spark that made you think the world was a wonderful place, be it a scenery from somewhere, a song, a food, a conversation… Remember that spark, and openly call for help. There are those of us who won’t judge you, it’s okay that you can’t make it through on your own. You were never supposed to.

*hugs*

Go in peace