Gamers are masochists.
We willingly go on crazy hard quests, with monsters/bosses we absolutely hate, that can kick our asses a gazillion different ways.
I just saw a MH4U meme that is basically a picture of one of the new monsters with a lot of ‘Nope’s surrounding it.
We moan, whine and bitch about how scary and impossible the monster is to defeat, but at the end of the day, we will pick up our 3DS, pack our items and go on the crusade to hunt them giant mammals and reptiles.
Because gamers are masochists.
City life is all about hustling and bustling. We are always trying to be more productive, more efficient.
But you know something?
No matter how much you read, how much you work, how many apps you use, there will always be things to do.
You’ll never be productive enough.
So instead of trying to do a million and one things in a day and failing to finish all of them, take some time off, find a nice place with a nice view and just do nothing.
It’s surprisingly difficult to do nothing and chill because we are so used to squeezing productivity out of every minute of our life.
But yes, relax, chill, do nothing. Feeling restless is much better for your sanity than being overwhelmed by the ocean of never-ending tasks and deadlines.
There, I said it, I gave you permission, now go slack without guilt! You deserve it!
I don’t have much in the boobs department, I’ve made peace with that a long time ago.
Small boobs have their own advantages as well (and so the internet will try to tell you).
One of which is the freedom to not wear a bra.
Now, when the web tells you people with small boobs don’t need bras, they’re not being exactly truthful.
We don’t need it for support.
But we do need it if we want to have boobs.
That and also to not be obscene, with nipples sticking out of our shirts.
But yes, nearly all females will tell you that we hate bras.
They’re constricting and uncomfortable and if not for the fact that we need to wear it, be it for the sake of courtesy or physical support, we wouldn’t.
So recently, I was all, ‘one of the major advantages or having small boobs is that we can get away with not wearing bras’, hence I decided to capitalize on this perk.
I went and bought pasties and on Monday, finally left the house, free of the contraption known as a bra.
Before I even stepped out of the house, I already had a million and one concerns.
Do I look alright?
Do I look completely flat?
Is this shirt too thin?
Is anyone going to know I’m not wearing a bra?
I finally settled on a shirt which looked horrible when I do wear a bra and got my ass out of the house.
At first I was extremely self-conscious, but no one acted weird around me.
Then I got to school…and everyone still acted exactly the same as they do every other day.
Then class started and I actually had to do work and use my brain…and soon I forgot all about my braless state.
In fact, after class ended, I was so tired that all I wanted to do was to go home and sleep; I didn’t even remember I was without a bra until my bag jostled my boob when swung it off on the bus.
It was really anti-climatic really.
I got home, changed into my home clothes (faster than I usually did because I didn’t have to take off my bra) and came to one conclusion.
I went out braless and nobody gave a shit.
Not even me.
I guess maybe if I wore something revealing or with a plunging neckline then maybe someone would give a shit.
But yea, unless you look obscene, no one is going to notice, much less care.
Because everyone has better things in life to worry about than your boobs and bra, yourself included.
Some people say it’s a very liberating experience, and it really reassures you about your sexuality and femininity…
Honestly though, it just feels like every other day, except I got to go about it without elastics around my rib-cage.
Revolutionary isn’t it?
Weakness doesn’t just hurt you, it hurts the people around you.
I came to this realization when I was in my emo, self-loathing mode.
You know how they say you can’t love others if you don’t love yourself?
It’s the same logic.
I guess perhaps the word ‘weakness’ isn’t the most appropriate term.
When I use the word ‘weakness’, I mean when we give into our insecurities, our flaws, our negative thoughts as opposed to the lack of strength or capabilities.
When we revel in our own fears and insecurities, it isn’t us that we hurt the most, but the people around us.
Those who care will naturally want to soothe the pain caused by your fears with the balm of love and care. But when we are weak, when we don’t gather the strength to resist these fears, we are simply black holes that absorb all the love and care without any signs of getting better.
In doing that, we hurt those who loves us the most, whom we love the most.
In my moment of weakness, I was bitter and jealous, completely absorbed in myself and my own misery. ‘Why am I not doing anything? Why am I so useless?’ I make people around me feel bad for being happy, for doing well.
Of course, it’s only human to have such emotions, but being human is often being stupid.
What exactly are we trying to achieve when we resist our significant others’ love and compliments? To continue telling them that we’re not good enough, that we don’t understand why the love us, why don’t they choose someone better? That we are not beautiful enough, special enough?
We want them to make us feel good and feel special I suppose, we want reassurance.
But if that’s the case, why do we, in our moments of weakness, tear down those reassurance, throw it back in their face and insist we aren’t good enough?
Because if we stopped being so self-centred for that one moment, we’ll realize we’re being complete idiots. We’re basically telling our loved ones that they are absolute retards with no sense or taste because they think we’re worthy of their love. We’re indirectly telling them that they made bad decisions.
But that’s not our objective is it? Not even close.
But that’s exactly what we are doing. When someone comes to us with open arms and loving embrace, we tear down the situation until it’s no better than a scene in a Greek tragedy, filling it up with hate and doubt. To what end? Until they are in tears and full of unhappiness like us?
While we revel and indulge in our own weakness, we are hurting the people around us.
So be strong, strong enough accept love, because giving love doesn’t take strength, but accepting it does.
My brain doesn’t want to think anymore.
My brain’s burnt out.
I can smell the smoke.
And when you’re burned out, lemme tell you, depression is poised, ready to strike.
BUT NO I MUST DESIST!
I MUSTN’T LET DEPRESSION TURN ME INTO AN EMOBALL!
Because I need to remain optimistic to attract positivity!
So that I’ll be pleasantly surprised by people, find the people I need for the company project!
Yes, be positive.
I just want to cave, and go on a holiday. Okay no, I want to go on a holiday and cave.
I like the story about Schrodinger’s cat.
I don’t like boxes, but I’m a very organized person.
An organized mess, that’s how my room is. How my life is.
I make plans and shelf them.
Oxymorons, contradictions, these are terms that would apply to me.
I’m the virgo with a checklist who does impulsive, outside the box things.
My friend once said that I straddled a strange line between cute and scary.
The only way to wonder how a walking contradiction like myself hasn’t simultaneously self-combusted is to stop looking at me from a linear manner.
It’s about balance, it always is, always has been always will be.
People are capable of being two completely contradicting things simultaneously.
So when people assume that because I’m outwardly very organized, it means I have to put everything into a box, a step, that I can’t think outside the box or I’m not open to new ideas…
I get offended when I’m accused of thinking linearly because you’re talking to a person, who when asked how they look at a room with a cube in it in a personality test, I answer that the camera angle is constantly switching.
Balance is hard though, I’ve lamented this so many times I feel like I’m a recording machine always repeating myself.
But repeating is good, I’m writing this post to remind myself to stay balanced.
Lately its harder to be radical and less structured, actually I won’t say it’s harder, but rather what I’m required to do lately is mostly organizing. Consulting, project management, you need to be structured to get shit done.
But that doesn’t mean that in every aspect of my life I’m a meticulously organized human being.
The thing is, humans are multi-faceted. That’s how we manage to be schrodinger’s cats.
For certain parts of a project/work, I’ll be creative and outside the box, but when time comes to execution I’ll have to be organized. There’s no reason why you can’t be both. Why can’t you be a creative idea person who also excels at management? They use different parts of your brain, and every brain has these parts. Yes it’s HARD to be ambidextrous, but definitely POSSIBLE.
I find other aspects of my life to radical and impulsive, like when I write, when I think about ideas, when I read, when I walk around, when i take photos, when I eat, when I cook….
Basically, don’t think you can’t be two completely different things at the same time. You’re already doing it without you knowing. At any point of time in your life you’re already playing, often contradicting roles. You can be both a parent and a child, you can be both a teacher and a student, so why can’t you be both a science person and an arts person? They aren’t mutually exclusive, specialization gives you extra breadth, but broad-based learning gives you new perspectives.
I’m not saying don’t stick people in boxes, just remember that from a different angle, your boxes aren’t visible and things may be grouped into other boxes or is a completely utter mess. Because misconceptions piss people off.
Call a spade a spade, but if you call a not-a-spade that looks like a spade from a certain angle a spade…be prepared to be hit by said spade-but-not-a-spade.