My biggest take-away/learning from life this week?
It was in the companion manifesto, it’s in my current reading, it was on TED talk, it’s in my relationship and it makes a shit ton of sense.
Reciprocal anything is the key to a good..anything. Especially relationships..or things involving two matters.
Reciprocating is..being balanced.
Haraway talked about reciprocal possession
And i’d like to take that a step further.
It resolves the problems of having expectations.
See, in the talk about being good at conversations, now if everyone in that room followed those rules, then everyone would get a turn to talk and get a turn to listen.
If we all went out into the world looking to be amazed or learn from someone…we’d all see each other as amazing and learn from everyone around us.
Okay that doesn’t paint a clear enough picture.
Imagine if everyone on earth left their house with the express intention to do something nice for someone else.
That means that everyone will go home having something nice said or done to them.
And we are by nature, reciprocal, I kid you not. If someone smiles at you, you will naturally smile back at them. Blame mirror neurons or society upbringing. Whatever.
Hell even if you don’t smile back, YOU WILL REACT. You can react by ignoring, by frowning, by saying hi etc.
The intra-actions of things is inevitable, I dare say it might be an absolute truth. Like it or not, something else will act on you and you’ll act on something else.
So reciprocate in the right way.
When they say treat others the way you want to be treated, it’s not completely wrong. Granted everyone wants to be treated in different ways, but I think the whole idea behind this concept is that, we want to be treated the way we WANT to be treated. So if you want people to treat you the way you want to be treated, treat them they way THEY WANT to be treated.
Accept the person for who they are, give them what they want and they give you what you want.
It’s a mutual comfort, if we know that we will be listened to, we won’t worry or feel like we won’t be listened to. It wouldn’t even be in your head that you might not get something back or get support back etc. That trust that reciprocal relationships denote.
It’s a beautiful beautiful thing.
My best friendships are amazing because..I never have to think if my friends will love me back the same way or amount I do or will. I know they will, because it’s reciprocal. So I just have to focus on being the best friend I can be instead of worrying whether or not my friends will be good friends to me.
Of course, trusting that you’ll be taken care of and therefore don’t have to worry about yourself is hard. Because, the nature of reciprocal relationships is that..you can completely cast yourself aside because you know that your partner will catch you and you will catch them.
However, I think not EVERY type of intra-actions requires that level of trust. I mean, when someone says hi to you and you say hi back…you don’t need to trust that person with your life…
I guess what I’m trying to say is, approach things in life with true understanding and reciprocity in mind. Treat people the way THEY want to be treated, because you know you’d like to be treated the way YOU want to be treated. Understand others as who they are because you want to be understood as who you are. Walk away from interactions feeling understood, even if both parties agreed to disagree.
Love someone the way they want to be loved and trust that they’ll love you the way you want to be loved.
Of course, the world isn’t perfect. You’ll meet a lot of selfish people…or unenlightened people, or just broken people who can’t be reciprocal.
And unfortunately that’s going make for what YOU feel to be an unfair interaction, and really..it is. But don’t let these people stop you from trying to be reciprocal. Because shutting the whole world out means shutting the good out..and you become like them and instead of perpetuating good, you’ll end up being someone who causes the next person to shut themselves off from the world.
Take a leap of faith.
And I think that to do that, to take that leap of faith. You need to be comfortable in your own skin first, to be comfortable putting yourself aside, to know that what others can’t fulfill you will be able to fulfill or at least handle by yourself (or trust that others in your life will make up for it).
You’d be amazed how hard it is to put yourself and your opinions aside in a conversation. And chances are it’s because you aren’t comfortable or happy with yourself and you want that conversation to satisfy something of yours.
Ha, this is ‘don’t take it personally’ on its truest level. Not saying that we don’t need to reflect on ourselves, but we can do it later. In private. But anyways.
It’s weird, we tend to be more..flippant? Comfortable with putting things out of sight when we’re comfortable and trusting of it. If you wear something comfortable, it’s like it’s not even there? Same concept. We only notice things that are uncomfortable, rather uncomfortable/bad things stick out to us. Comfortable things, not so much.
But I digress, if you know that you can pick yourself up and heal after a fall, you’re less likely to be afraid of falling. And knowing that you will be able to self-care even if your leap of faith was a miss will be what enables you to continue taking leaps of faith.
But really…because we all know the pain of falling. I think when we see someone jumping, we’ll try to catch them.
Wouldn’t it be beautiful, if we all took leaps of faith and fell into each others arms?
You know, I think sometimes people don’t intentionally let us fall. They just don’t know how to catch, and it takes time for us to learn how to catch others. Everyone falls differently…and building reciprocal intra-actions also includes giving people the chance to get better and yourself the chance to get better at catching each other.
And I’m really proud that all my relationships and friendships have that.
Also, my mom is a great listener. It seems to be a Radio DJ host skill.
And…yes.introspective thinking and figuring out conceptual puzzles like this is my crack.
I’m very happy and fulfilled because of this right now.
Thank you fate for sending stuff I need to see my way.
Okay chocomon REALLY needs to do her assignments now.