People stories

I miss living in a sharehouse in Japan.

It was an interesting place.

People from all over the world, connected by their love of this strange island country all living under one roof. Likely to have made the trip there all lone in hopes of fulfilling some romantic dream they have towards Japan. Owing to that, they want to connect.

It was interesting.

Because people have stories.

I like meeting people and hearing their stories.

People’s stories make for good..well everything really.

There’s no such thing as useless information.

There’s also no such thing as a useless story.

Somewhere out there, someone needed to hear a certain story.

Never hurts to collect them.

I wonder, maybe I should start a sharehouse so I can collect people’s stories too.

Accepting the human condition

Sometimes adults forget the weight of their words.

I often wonder if it’s due to ignorance, ignorance that the child listening are unable to assume the weight of these words, or due to their own immaturity, that they themselves forget that words carry weight?

I’ve learnt that trust is a currency, like all currency, it is a human construct and appreciates and depreciates.

The first few times I made a loss in the transaction of trust, I fell into the foolish abyss of deciding to never trust again, as if trust was an action, a value a belief.

Trust is a currency.

You either make a loss, a profit or a break even in the trading of trust.

The first time I realized, with stark betrayal and disgust that an adult’s words were the highest depreciating currency in the economics of trust was when in was 14.

I don’t know if it is because I had the tendency to choose fragile worlds or merely fate’s dark humor that the world I reside in had the tendency to fall apart around me.

I was sitting in the living room, with two teachers who had merely months ago spoke of a grand journey that paved way for our future that we would all embark together, as pioneers of a new institution. Now they were convincing me to reteurn to school, when they themselves were abandoning us for greener pastures. Hypocrites, I thought.
Human, I now think.

They had spoken those promises as teachers, but had made their decisions as humans.

Yes, they were selfish, but they had flung those words, those promises around carelessly without thinking that someone would invest their trust in those flimsy stories.

Someone did,  I did.

I felt stupid, naive even.

I was stupid for feeling naive, I merely made a bad investment.

I am only human, we all learn from mistakes.

And it truly was a profitable loss, I learnt, subconsciously, to view adults as humans in the rawest sense. To not judge them but merely be surprised. Adult was a noun where maturity was expected but not definite.

I have learnt to observe subjects whose character was worth investing my trust in. To invest in subjects that even if a loss would incur, that in the long term it would be profitable, at least sentimentally.

When you see the world with keen eyes that not everyone possesses, you often see a world far greater. An old soul doesn’t promise a mature character. For that would require the victory over one’s emotions, and to shed your human condition would render you human no longer.

When you see a different world from everyone else, it may be tiring, for being misunderstood is tiring.

But there is joy, for embracing the world instead of a cage is freedom in the truest sense.

And freedom is the greatest gift for those whose soul belongs to the skies.

Who I am hates who I’ve been…nope.

Who I am loves who I’ve been because who I’ve been made the effort and hard choices to become who I am.

So today’s blog post is about making future me love current me a little more.

I’m a contradiction in a nutshell, I love that, but there’s something I can work on.

It ironic really, I excel that things I don’t care about.

More specifically, I’m successful at things I don’t take seriously.

This may seem contradictory, because how is it that the harder you try, the more you fuck up?

Well there’s this thing called anxiety.

I’m really shit at dealing with my anxiety, for me taking things seriously=becoming anxious over it.

The only time anxiety decides to leave me alone is if I can’t be fucked about the issue at hand.

Thankfully, I’m the sort that puts in 200% into things, so even when I’m anxious about something, having the result halved still gives us 100%.

But really, I wish I’m able to flip this switch whereby at situations that is really serious and really counts, I can switch that anxiety off and just DO IT.

So yea, performance anxiety.

How does one work on this?

Stop taking everything so seriously?

Or stop emotionally taking everything seriously but in action to continue being serious about it?

Sounds about right, it’s always a balance of contradicting emotions ideas that makes things work.

And also to stop taking people’s comments to heart, I’m doing pretty good with the ‘lets just not read it’. But I need to level up and go to ‘I’ve read it, I respect it, and I still stand my ground’.

That calls for so much confidence that I don’t have (yea, believe it or not), but I guess the only way to fix it is to just charge at it headfirst.

It’s hard to balance taking and absorbing people’s comments and ignoring the useless insults.

How do you filter?

When should you listen even if it hurts?

But if it was easy, it’s not worth doing.

And at the end of the day, I’m grateful that I’ve been blessed by a gut that won’t lead me wrong.

So thank you instincts.

Well I guess now it’s just…lets do it (irony in the world that this blog post is saying the same thing the documentary that is showing in class is. Thanks Nike!)

Chocomon out.

Happy post!

Just thought I’d add to the happy reserves of the world.

I’m happy because life is an awesome RPG adventure.

Although it gets rough, you get to experience all these life changing experiences and become more than you ever imagined you could be, make friends and comrades (or on my case unicorns) who will always be there for you…


Sometimes violence is an aswer

I woke up on a not very bright and sunny morning (but still a good morning) and decided to read this.

No there will be no hate rant of any sort.

I just wanted to add my own two cents.

Women need to stop living in fear of misogynists.

I haven’t been a target of sexual discrimination much in my rather short life, for several reasons.

I am lucky enough to be born in a country with relative gender equality, I’m not easily sexualized due to androgynous features and I’ve grown up being ‘one of them guys’.

The few times I was subjected to discrimination, people either stood up for me or I’ve learnt to power through it.

Because the thing about men, especially the misogynistic ones, is that they shut up in the face of power.

I’m not saying that we shouldn’t take these threats seriously, but you know what these threats really are?

They’re fear.

Fear of men from losing their current status, because these specific men know that if they lost their natural gender superiority, in a game of sheer capabilities, they’re going to lose to women.

So they fear.

Anyone who disagrees with this, feel free to disagree; but anyone, especially any males (or any other gender you may be) reading this who has confidence in themselves will know that this is true.

I mean, come on, if you’re so great, what have you got to fear about women being of equal status as you?

Fear of disrespect is fear too, because that means without social construct, you’re not a person who can be respected. Woe is you then.

Back to the topic at hand, so men fear.

Like animals backed into a corner, they lash out, they lashed out especially hard on Emma Watson because this time she isn’t just rallying other women, she’s rallying the men too. And misogynists know that there are more sensible men out there in this world than they think.

The only weapon they have to prevent the men from standing on the side of equality is to make use of ingrained gender bias, sexual bias, that women must be pure and upright to be protected and supported, to destroy the campaign.

This might seem grim, but if you take just a few more steps back, look at how desperate these people. Such fear. This lashing out actually means we’re at the tipping point of taking the next big step in gender equality, it’s kind of like the homophobes last hurrah before homosexuality became widely accepted.

If I was talking solutions, I’d say, men with sense, please step up and shut your fellow species up before they ruin the reputation of your gender beyond repair. Because part of why feminism has such bad reputation is because sensible men keep quiet, and because supporters of feminism are dealing with ignorant fools, they’re forced to use force, and therefore feminism comes off as a hate campaign. Lets face it, it’s hard to deal with ignorant fools who refuse to listen. Sometimes, yes anger and hate is the only response. Lest you let someone else walk all over you.

That is kind of where I’m going with this though.

Part of me feels like women themselves needs to stop feeling ashamed by attacks of men to humiliate them. I know it’s hard, downright impossible in the face of things like rape. But honestly, just for me personally? I’m not going to respect Emma Watson any less no matter what photos they post of her, unless it’s of her killing someone or kicking a puppy, that sort of fundamentally morally wrong things. We are all human, who doesn’t have a sex drive or a naked body? None of that makes us less human or less respectable.

Sometimes I feel like we’re past de-sexualizing society. We need to normalize sexualizing, all genders at that.

I feel like if a woman can go against the conventions of ‘pure’ and ‘ladylike’ and prove that despite being a ‘slut’ is still a respectable person, soon that convention will go down, and all these misogynistic attacks will lose power.

I mean alternatively, hackers of the equality camp can go release nude photos of misogynists, I’m sure they’ve got MANY skeletons in their closet. But…in the long run I doubt that resolves anything (but hey all is fair in love and war, and this is war).

So why do I say violence is sometimes an answer?

Respect is earned, I firmly believe in that.

In an ideal world, men will know not to prey on women’s biological weaknesses to ‘put them in their place’, in an ideal world men won’t want to put women in their place because they’re right where they should be. But we don’t live in an ideal world, and sometimes to push the world in that direction, we need to stop expecting the world to behave like its ideal and start working with its flaws.

Aside from normalizing and accepting the sexualization of women and learning to respect them as human beings BEYOND objectification, women, sadly, need to learn to shut men up, the hard way.

There is this thing called grudging respect, which is something I get from guys a lot. It’s funny, many men, in an effort to cope, ceases to categorize women as women the moment they prove themselves to be equally capable if not more capable. I’m sorry, if being desexualized and de-‘women-fied’ by some population of men is part of the process, girls, we’re just going have to live with it.

So grudging respect is when you prove to them that despite their biased thoughts about you that you are good if not better. And very importantly, is to not be ashamed when you’re accused of using your womanly ways to get to where you are. For fuck’s sake, you are female, it is your damn right to use your natural advantage. Men have been using their natural advantage for years now, and we don’t humiliate them for using it (maybe we should, just for kicks you know?). Because if you can produce results, it doesn’t really matter how you do it does it? I mean, I’m not comfortable with people who have slept their way to the top more for moral reasons, but at the same time, you have to give that person respect. They made it, we did not. Anything against it is just jealousy.

To that end, in order for women to stop living in fear of men attacking them, as sad as it is, I believe women need to learn to fight, and fight good. Of course the opposing party can cheat using drugs and traps, but if the message goes out that women can’t be taken down easily, you’ll be surprised how many guys are cowed and put off. Sure they’ll say scathing things like how you’re not a woman anymore etc. But words can’t take your femininity away from you, only you can. Heck, so many transgender people mourn over the femininity of their female body parts, quit letting words from the losing party affect you already.

Basically if women demonstrated that they’re not easily messed with, there’ll be more grudging respect all around, and men who have had their heads screwed on right all along…will continue having their heads screwed on right. The staunch extremists sadly will never go away, but when they’re a minority, it’s easy to get the crowd to drown them out.

Women, unfortunately, need to have men stop coming to their protection. Men should support the feminist movement because not doing so brings shame to their gender, shows that they’re insecure, narrow-minded cowards; not because women need men’s help. This doesn’t mean that support of both genders isn’t important towards gender equality, it IS. But support it for the right reasons.

And those who STILL refuse to listen to reason, well those times, violence is an answer.

Uploading cactus wisdom

Like how my fellow flareonsheenicorn goes apeshit when women gets objectified, I get angry when people have extremist reactions.

And I swear my reason is a lot more logical.

This is where war comes from, this is where hate comes from.

You have an extreme averse reaction to the depravity that is present in all human minds and start hating them, they’ll simply react back with hate. And when the answer is ‘I’ll just kill the rest of them’, well then in the bigger picture, there will be others on the same side as you wondering why they’re killing others over such a small reason and then killing under a different banner will start and the world just ascends into chaos.

Of course, what really upsets me most is that in my dear friend’s fit of anger, which really is just her emotional response which she can’t reign in, she feels that she’s just ranting and once her rage subsides, everything drops.

The deeper picture of how her anger contributes to the greater cycle of hate is lost to her.

And here I am just being brought down by the fact that yet another person has decided to add to the hate pile of the world, FOR NO GOOD REASON.

I’m not angry though, just sad.

And tired.

Because I really can’t be fucked about all the other ignorant bastards out there until they come piss on my backyard. Yes someone needs to stand up for what’s right, but what does unleashing all the anger indirectly onto do for the situation besides curb your anger?

Go to the forefront and stand up for what’s right.

What’s important is having rational voices to balance out for what’s right.

Deep down, those who can listen will listen, and there are more of them than you think.

I don’t really know what bothers me more, the fact that despite all that anger there’s only pessimism for the world (completely ignoring the efforts of the people fighting the good fight, stubbornly believing that the bad prevails), or that there’ll be no constructive action following the anger, or the obstinate resistance against listening to reason and accepting that bad can’t be eradicated from the world, only managed.

In short, I wish I could just upload wise cactus wisdom onto people they care about so that they can all be happy.

You don’t understand why people can’t see other people are humans too?

I don’t understand why you chose anger over all the other positive constructive emotions.

Thanks for adding to the pile of growing anger and sadness in the world. *sigh*

And i’ll end it right here before this post becomes a full on depression rant.

The sun will rise again tomorrow morning and the day after that.