If we all stood at the centre

We live in a world of excessive everything today.

You want information, there’s a truckload of it.

You want activities, there are of them than you can do in a lifetime.

We want to tell ourselves that we can do everything we ever wanted to.

Sadly, that’s as true as it isn’t true.

We can most certainly try to do everything we want to do, and achieve them, but only within realistic constraints.

The constraints I’m talking about here aren’t depressing things like structures of the society we have created.

I’m talking about a constraint that nothing can change, except for maybe magic.


If you wanted to watch every single YouTube video ever uploaded to the damn site, provided that people stopped uploading videos now, you probably need to live several lifetimes or become immortal.

There simply isn’t enough time.

There is too much of everything that we simply cannot literally do, everything.

So yes, we may want to do and join everything we see, and then you step back and see ALL of it in all its glory and feel utterly overwhelmed, because time is limited and so are our human energies.

It’s easier now than ever to feel small and insignificant, and while one some days that’s a good thing, on others that’s bad.

We of course, don’t feel like doing anything when we feel small and insignificant.

Everyone wants to be at the centre of the largest most happening thing (provided you have the energy at that given moment).

But you really are put in the middle of the storm, you are simply overwhelmed by it all that either you realize you’re too small to be able to make much a difference in it or there’s no way you can do it, not even with a few friends.

Things are so connected these days that even the smallest of tasks can be blown up into many times its size.

For example, you want to buy a new pen.

It’s a small, simple, basic task.

Buy a damn pen.

Then you open up the internet, and there are Amazon, Ebay, Etsy, Rakuten and god knows a million other websites out there with literally millions of pens for you to buy.

Buying a single PEN can be an overwhelming experience, much less everything else in your life.

If you’re a student and you wanted to start/join a debate event, a quick Google will put you off doing ANY of it.

For starters, there are so many debating events to join, where does one start? Where is one suited for you?

The greater the choices, the greater the conditions….suddenly every event gets so specific that you aren’t suited for any of them anymore.

Start one?

If there are a million other bakeries in the world, and you want to start another one…by the time you find your TRULY unique niche, the world has either ended or someone bombed the rest of the bakeries in the world.

Basically, whenever someone wants to do something today, they are quickly reminded, IN THEIR FACE that there are at least easily, hundreds and thousands of similar things out there.

Which brings us to the ‘what’s the point?’ bit of the piece.

We obviously do things for a reason, but if someone takes that reason from you…there are days where passion to want to do something isn’t enough.

Purpose is important, and in the world where everything is excessive, purpose is something lost easily.

So here’s me telling you that being small and insignificant is important.

That having the same idea as other people is important.

That making the grand impact of ONE is important.

Because these things aren’t a competition.

Every single human on this damn planet is a unique individual.

To truly satisfy the tastebud of every human on the plant, means you’ll need to have the exact number of cafe as there are people.

That’s impossible.

But we can damn well try.

Whatever it is you do or make may not be unique, it may be small and insignificant.

But small and insignificant usually means it impacts one or two people.

Now, lets think in reverse.

YOU are one of those one or two people.

How many times have we thought, when a shop we really liked closed down that even if you were the ONLY customer it had, that it stayed open, for you. Because that shop is important to YOU.

YOU are a big deal, to yourself at least.

You want other people to make a big deal about you.

If several other million people out there get made a big deal while you’re being fussed over too, that’s nice.

But you’re first and foremost most concerned about yourself and your immediate surroundings (not in a selfish way, but our awareness of the world spreads inside out).

Being small and insignificant means you’re catering to a few people, and to those few people, you MATTER.

We value human life so much, we say that humans house a galaxy within ourselves..

In that case mattering only to a few people is already mattering a lot.

If whatever it is that you wants to do one day grows to just somehow affect a lot of people, that happens naturally, it isn’t something you have any control over.

We can’t all stand in the centre of a great big storm.

Because no matter how big a storm is, there will be patches of the earth missed, and there needs to be people standing there, with a small watering can, watering these damn patches.

Being small, matters.

It really is easy, that when you want to do something, the choices intimidate you, not just because they are overwhelming, but because, you will be pressured to feel that ‘there are already so many choices, why aren’t there one i think is for me!?’.

When that happens, don’t be afraid to shut the world out for a minute and ignore all these other things.

Yes you may feel like you’re not being connected, not being worldly, that you’re being and ostrich.

But reality is, there IS too much out there in the world to process, so if you can’t there is nothing wrong with filtering things out, or just blocking the world out and then doing your own thing.

The obsession with scale is nice, it really is, and staying connected is great.

But those aren’t things you can deal with EVERYDAY.

We all need to start somewhere, somewhere small.

We all need to live everyday, and not just that ONE SPECIAL DAY.

So take it one step at a time.

Go do you your own small little thing.

If someone tries to make a comparison out of you, shut them out.

The only thing you should ever be comparing yourself to, is the you from yesterday.


Yes it’s a happy post…ish


This is honestly a LMFAO ROFL post.

So I should be:

-translating articles

-Finishing class reading

-doing assignment research

(Man i’m like a full fledged uni student!)

But nope, I’m reading Manga because I’m too tired, my brain is full of visual language theory,


Anyways, it’s a manga about a female yaoi otaku who becomes the hottest girl on campus and has 4 of the most good looking guys on campus vying for her attention.

So HILARIOUS shit keeps happening, like half the time I’m just going “this manga needs to go in the comedy section’.


First of all, all the guys who visit her room ends up paying respects to the shrine in her room dedicated to HER FAVOURITE ANIME CHARACTER who recently died.

Yes, paid respects, with incense and all that shit.

After that, they were forced to go to the comic market with her and buy Yaoi comics for her. Without her around, cause they split up to buy the things.

And now.

Now, this person who was dressed up as a butler, who turns out to be a girl, who also turns out to be the heroine’s favourite doujin artist (did I mention this new girl is like perfect for a Yuri [girlxgirl] manga?) and now they went to this girl’s house to see she has like ALL the manga and figurines in the world.

AAAND now the 4 guys are forced to pose as gay couples because this new girl needs some references for her new Yaoi doujin.

The stuff the men do for love.

Hilariously, the heroine is currently worshipping the ground this new girl works on.

I can’t.

I just can’t.


Hide away to a different universe

There are days (usually nights) where you just feel like hiding away into a different world.

A world of people and stories that you create.

Okay yea, today’s one of those days where I think I should hole myself up and be an author.

Yes logical self, I see the signs of an upcoming depression attack.

Maintaining mental health is as hard as maintaining physical health, I swear.


So as some of you may know, my I can’t sleep with ANY amount of alcohol in my system so I’m waiting for it to be flushed out…


Royal flush anyone?

Titles are the hardest part

I suck with titles but you need to write them to blog.

So really this is another those collect your thoughts posts which makes honestly no sense.

My brain isn’t really functioning right now although the beginnings of epiphany seems to be making their appearance.

So a few things I have sort of concluded or at least see heads and tails of.

Like in Siddartha’s journey, this is the part whereby we need to re-embrace our humanity and human condition.

We’re now strong enough to handle human emotions, the negative ones and not break anymore.

I think really all the recent confusion in my body is that I’m used to rationalizing things and suddenly my body is telling me you can be a regular human again, or something like that…

Learning curve I bet, moving away from avoiding bad emotions to embracing them properly…

Honestly I don’t know how this will play out, but I know it will be a natural process and one day down the road I will be able to offer wise words about this issue.

For now…I should just stop fretting about my emotional state, stop trying to control it and reign it in and just see where this goes; after all I’ve been healthier lifestyle wise now than I have in years.

Just like courage isn’t the absence of fear, emotional welfare isn’t the absence of negative emotions but the harmony between good and bad.

Now it isn’t about being stronger anymore, it’s about being okay with your weaknesses, today I learnt a lot about that. Being weak is good…being weak means you care, means you’re human, means you have given…weaknesses and scars define who you are. Strengths only serve meaning and purpose because you achieved despite your weaknesses.

Quick reflection about my life so far.

Now is a good time.

I’m comfortable and love myself, I have a great but small circle of friends, everyone is in their place, mom is settling down, work is settling down… (random musing, it does all start by fixing yourself and learning to love yourself)

I suppose because all these things are in place, I’ve come to have more time to think about myself and my life.

For the first time, my own life is in reach and in my grasp, it’s no longer a plan on paper and like everyone else, I get jitters.

There’s that overwhelming urge to just do everything and experience everything and then there’s that stage fright that causes you to do absolutely nothing.

Hence the stress, it’s from internal conflict.

I’m so used to being in control and knowing exactly what I want..suddenly I know what I want, but once again, I want so many  things, it’s hard to organize them into one neat little package, so lets rant.

Honestly, I want to see the world, just to see it. I don’t know what I’ll find when I see the world, but all of it will be invaluable and I will be able to put them to good use, whatever I find and learn.

I want to make people happy…but there’s so many ways I CAN do it, I’m at a loss if themed entertainment is still the way.

I see the events at theme parks, I see Disney Sea, I see animated films…the magic is still there, that’s the magic I want to be part of, but as you get closer, the more you wonder if you’ll ever be ready to be part of it, worthy enough to be part of it. On the other hand a part of you just knows, that’s your purpose in life.

But it’s funny because I have so many talents that are better suited elsewhere, in law, in consulting, in business…

I realized that I can make people happy in so many ways, I’m suddenly quite lost as to where to start from, of course, my current advice to myself is to just pick somewhere and start and I have.

Also, the desire to make a difference and fix things…

So yes that silly orphanage post…sometimes my brain just comes up with ideas that if you try hard enough become solutions that can make a difference, but being the selfish bastard that I am, I am unwilling to tie myself down to these ideas because I’m not committed enough. It’s as immature as it is mature and responsible.

Of course, my brain has decided that I ought to properly plan these ideas out so that one day I can share it with the person who has the right passion and determination to see this idea through and realize it.

So that’s that…

Quite funny that as I write, my brain re-organizes itself and realizes I have had nothing to feel lost about, my desired path is still the same, I am on track with my little plan…

Of course there are things I can try harder on….like taking a leap of faith and and going back to my crazy younger self again and just DO it, because nothing begins unless you try.

So lets see..stop trying to be in control, embrace emotions, embarking on own life now!! and just DO IT.

Yup that’s pretty much it.


Okay it’s not.

What do I want in life?

Okay no, apparently I’ve worked that answer out and I’m still happy with that answer…

I guess I just don’t feel like I’m actively working towards it…so

Something is lacking in my life.

Ah, hence the anxiety.

What am I lacking….it’s not pet projects or my Happy Mob, or learning or studying…

Something close to seeing the world.

People and connections..yea that’s it.

Not getting out there enough.


Guess I just wanted to get out there more, call it networking or whatever you want, so I was stressing out about that.

Connecting with others is a way to see the greater world, and also to share ideas and get stuff done…I’m feeling tiny because I’m not seeing enough through people.

Funny how not being shocked into perspective all the time stresses me out.

Still not too sure about a solution to this problem, but that’s cause my brain has crashed in Nirvana, now that the issue is identified, we can go suss out a solution after holes have been drilled in my mouth tomorrow.

Thank god my wisdom isn’t really stored in my wisdom tooth, but in my brain.

I like being a wise tree.

I’m in a good place in my life now, that’s why I have the luxury of flipping out and pondering over my strange awkward state.  Appreciate and be happy as I worry.

As my wise past self once said, worry, but be happy too.

Ward of the State

Society has long since decided that we as children, should be used as report booklets for our parents’ parenting skills.

Part of the reason, besides love, as to why our parents put in so much effort into raising us and making us presentable is so that we reflect well on themselves.

So, wards of the state, aka orphans, being the children of the state should reflect the state, no?

In which case, the state is a horrible parent.

You want to know what I think?

Being an orphan isn’t something to be happy about, but the state should do their damnest best to make sure that everyone wished they were wards of the state because they’re so well-taken care of.

It makes no sense, that the government’s own children aren’t being groomed into leaders of tomorrow.

Logically, why aren’t they!?

Children are our future, they are the future leaders.

Now instead of solely relying on the educational system and the whim of parents, the state has complete and utter say in the wards’ lives.

If there was ever a time where you had the perfect condition to nurture the perfect leaders of the next generation, this would be it.

But no, instead our wards of the state are put up in the shabbiest of housing, the worst of the schools with a struggling number of staff to care for them.

I find it despairing that just because these kids are, for one reason or another, without parents, that they were denied a chance at making something of themselves.

And by right, they SHOULD have all the resources, why don’t they!?

The freaking government is their parents.

And mind you we have one of the richest governments in the world.

I’m sure there are a million legislative reasons why not more money is put into nurturing these children.

But regardless of reasons, the real question is, aren’t our children worth investing in?

You can say that you’re waiting for them to be adopted into a loving home, but why wait, or why can’t they be given the attention and resources they need to grow before they are adopted?

You can’t honestly say that giving these children opportunities aren’t worth sparing money in other endeavors.

If I had the power, I’d make sure that orphanages are the most comprehensive institutions around.

Children there can learn music, sports, arts and other inspiring activities.

There’d be speeches and books, teachers and mentors who lived and stayed with them, and though they can’t be surrogate parents, at least they’d be the guide-posts in these children’s lives, to help them shine the light on the path to their dreams.

These children will be better taught and taken care of than some of those with families, they will be shown what the world has to offer and be allowed to explore talents and be taught better baseline skills that other parents may not think to teach their children.

Cooking and sewing, cleaning and wood-work, because these children need to be independent.

Swimming and camping, first-aid and self-defense, because these children need to survive and learn to help others survive.

Arts and music, programming and coding, because these children deserve a chance to make a mark in this brave new world.

They of course, will still go to regular school like all the other kids, and while other children go home to moms, dads and siblings, they will go home to a larger family where everyone swaps stories of their days, cooks meals together and take turns reading bed-time stories to the little ones.

Being deprived of parents doesn’t mean one should be deprived of their future, of their opportunities in life.

Make the ward of state a background to be proud of, these children represent our country even more so than those with families.


Where to put it…

There is something severely lacking on CVs and resumes.

Your wisdom.

Being wise isn’t quite the same as being smart.

You don’t earn degrees for being wise.

Being wise is both a matter of experience and a matter of talent.

Some people are simply born with a greater aptitude to discovering wisdom compared to others.

Thing is, there is no where where you can get your level of wisdom certified and plonked onto your resume or CV, as much as you may want to.

Is being wise important in a workplace or in a school though?

The answer?


Being wise makes up for a lot of technical/intellectual short-comings.

Having common sense is much more important than having hundreds of certifications.

After all, what is wisdom if not common sense on steroids?

The benefits of wisdom, of wise people, do not need to be elaborated.

But the problem remains, where do you put ‘wisdom’ on a piece of resume?

You don’t.

And so, the cycle of idiocy continues.