RAWR!!!

That’s my pathetic attempt at making this (yet another) bitching post adorable.

I have entirely way too many things to do and too little time.

I have 12 episodes to get out in…12 days? Whilst that’d be 1 episode to edit a day, sadly for poor ol’ me, I have shoots on 8 out of 12 of those days which leaves me exactly 4 days to edit everything. See how that’s really really fucked up?

I don’t really want to play the “who has it worse” game but seriously, my dear friends, DON’T tell me how busy you are and have no time. You REALLY REALLY just CANNOT compare with me right now. Besides, who is going to judge your rushed essay and papers? Your teachers and professors? The freaking PUBLIC is going to be judging my work, so please, shut the hell up about stress and lack of time.

Sorry, my dear friend just felt the need to emphasize how busy he is and I just really can’t sympathize at the moment.

Alrighty everyone!

It’s time for another episode of Chocomon ranting!

I’m currently sick (and tired and in desperate need of sleep, but it’s nothing new) and there’s a mountain of work to be done.

Which has led me to an epiphany!

(And no, it has NOTHING to do with procrastination for once)

Teamwork, works.

Now don’t you give me that -_-llll face.

IT’S TRUE!

(If it isn’t chances are I wont be ranting about it.)

Now, a mountain of work seems daunting, insanely so when you’re in my position and the fate of an entire station is in your hands (almost literally too, which reminds me that I need to buy a new hard drive just to cover my ass), it really helps when you have helpful teammates to share the work load.

I’m not talking about how splitting a lot of work into smaller piles to give to any people helps, though it does, but I feel that teamwork works because of an emotional rapport and trust. Because if you have a useless bunch of teammates, you’d be equally if not twice as stressed. But with trustworthy teammates, you have someone whom you can bounce ideas off, trust to make things happen and just on a whole have faith that things will work out. Which makes that daunting mountain look more like a hill,  a really steep one, but I’d take a hill over a mountain any day. Now if you’d pass me a helicopter, then I’ll be golden.

On a very random side note, which always accompanies my musings and rants, my boyfriend says that I speak really weird English.

Alright, so I have a tendency to quote movies and I probably sound like I’m reciting from a script of a sitcom half the time, THAT DOESN’T MEAN MY ENGLISH IS WEIRD!! Does it?

…It’s alright, I’m weird. I’ve made peace with the fact.

Okay, before my addled brain goes any further, I should get some sleep so I can get work done tomorrow.

Good night everyone. I now need to brush my teeth.

Tomorrow (or rather in 13 minutes) will mark the start of my latest next week of hell.

And I’m a little down.

I feel like life is bogging me down, (though chances are its probably me bogging life down).

I’m not happy with anything, I’m stressed, I’m tired and I feel terrible.

I’ll probably feel better if I work out and not having time is Just an excuse. I’m just too lazy and demotivated to do so.

I’m doing work that I don’t want to do, that I’m not committed to that I feel responsible for that isn’t going the way I think it should but is out of my control. I’m probably going out of control with my crazy moods and driving everyone insane. I can’t help it, I don’t have much coping machrnisms right now cause I have no time and no energy for them. I feel bad for getting all insecure or snapping at people randomly, its just pent up frustrations from being stuck in this funk.

I havent eaten properly, slept properly and exercised properly which is a problem too.

I guess I just hate it that something I don’t like is taking over my life and I have no choice. I can’t drop what I’m doing cause It’s for my mom and if I did, I’d feel like a total asshole for abandoning her in this time of need.

I do try de-stressing but I feel guilty when I play games or rest because there is so much to do but I’m so frustrated that everyone else is holding progress back.

And its really hard when no one truly understands or sympathizes with me. I mean sure I tell people about my problems, but at this juncture, shit like I have faith in you, things will get better is bullshit.

It won’t get better because my family life is nothing but work and I can’t cut myself from my family life. I don’t have my own life, I’m always tied down to my mom and even when I’m thousands of miles across the ocean she is still tying me down. Everything she chooses to do ends up consuming my life one way or another. either I get roped in to help or that is all she ever talks about and all she ever does.

I feel so stuck and stagnant and there is no end in sight. So what if school starts? I’ll still be involved in this mess that I don’t want to be. Yea, silver lining is that its good for experience and my resume but I wonder if this even truly qualified when its more like some cricus act meets child’s play where nothing is done properly and professionally.

I just wish, for once in my damn life that my mom was stable so I can finally get my own life and do stuff I want to do. Or at least relax in peace. Without her taking over projects I start and things I do. Without me having to worry because people around her are complete idiots.

I wish I didn’t have to pull late nights just to spend some time with my boyfriend, I feel so terrible everytime he has to compromise because I work 24/7 and is always on call or worrying about work.

I don’t think its even called work,its more like a bloody obligation, failure is not an option. It’s a vortex taking up my life and there is no way out because I’m bound to it by family obligation, by my need for income, for the resume and most importantly, to at least have peace of mind that at least I tried to make things stable,make them better.

But then I realize, pathetically, that if this was taken away from me suddenly that I’d feel worthless because that’s whats been defining my worth. Work. I need to do things to prove myself. Of course ideally itd be something I love or want to do or if not then at least with a lot less strings attached.

I’m just lost and confused now…and stressed, and tired and is having self-worth issues.

It scares me that when I turn around and look back that everything that I have ever achieved, that defines me, was for someone else. Never myself.

I hate feeling all jealous of everyone else with their little tidbits in life on facebook with their cycling photos, cooking, shopping and whatnot. Spending time doing what they love, enjoying those small things in life.

Because I miss those afternoons where I’d go out to visit new restaurants, explore new malls and hidden streets. I miss the days where picking up a camera was for fun, not for work and I’m not judged for what I make. I miss experimenting with food, making and baking new things. I miss making music, and singing and dancing, even though I suck at it. This stupid vortex is just consuming all these little happy things in my life and making so miserable.

And I feel so damn confined, that everyone around me is moving on with their lives, but I’m still here, chained to my mom and her whims and her life, while she moves on with hers ans dragging me into whatever it is that she got herself into. I’d at least feel good if she was happy doing what she does but she isn’t. Then what the hell am I suffering for damnit!

But reality is, I have a shoot tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that and the weather may not cooperate though I pray it does. So I need to sleep.

It’s 10.10 in the morning, I’m procrastinating which means I’m blogging.

So~~ today’s topic of choice to procrastinate with is this: MAKING THEME PARKS MORE AWESOME!

Alright, I worship theme parks, I love them, I wanna work in them, I wanna work on them and I wanna live in them, you get the gist of it.

My favourite theme park in the whole wide world is Tokyo Disney Land, unfortunately there isn’t a close second. Although if we’re ranking rides then quite a few Universal Studios rides will be ranking up there.

Back to the point.

How do we make theme parks more awesome!

I say, make the food more awesome!

I’m one of the few people who don’t mind paying those extra bucks for theme park food even if they’re just at a mediocre level, because well, it’s a theme park, that’s how they make money and you’re eating the food for the mood not for the taste.

BUT, that’s being said a lot of my favourite moments at Tokyo Disney Land (and Sea) were ones involving declious snacks. Nothing beats eating a piping hot Chuuro and drinking warm Milk Tea in a chilly Winter Afternoon at Tokyo Disney Sea while you walk to your next ride. And just walking around trying to eat ALL the different flavors of delicious popcorn (the black pepper is the best in my opinion) around Tokyo Disney Sea is one of the best time killers.

So snacks at Tokyo Disney Resort is great, but how are the actual meals and food? Well…on a whole, it’s decent. But that’s my gripe really, that it’s DECENT. Food is important to me and for me a magical experience isn’t perfect until the food is magical. Now I’m not asking for Michelin Star restaurants (although if the Resort hotels would have them I’d be thrilled because the hotel food costs that much but doesn’t taste all that amazing sadly…), but if hawkers on the streets of Tokyo can sell delicious Ramen and Dorayaki, it’s definitely possible to make the food at Theme Parks more delicious. Case in point, they’ve already done it with their Chuuro and popcorn, why not everything else?

Actually I find it just a little odd, all theme parks I’ve been to have their best-selling restaurants with really good food and those that are just sad. In Universal Studios Singapore, they’ve got really damn good pizza (one of the best I’ve had) but their Oasis Cafe serves terrible Lebanese food and lets not get started on their Transformers inspired cafe OR their Hollywood cafe…See, if food was good then maybe we’d all stay around longer to eat instead of heading out for food. And nothing ruins the mood of a beautiful Sunday Brunch by the Main Street than bad toast and eggs.

So yea theme park chefs, please, make your food tastier, I don’t know how but do it. Import your cakes from local cafes and ice-cream from local creameries! Steal old hawker’s recipes or heck just hire them. Bring out some molecular food thingies! Those would roll great with theme parks! I really don’t know, but if I did then I probably would be working in the theme park, not writing on how to make it better in the comfort of my living room, trying to escape doing my work.

Speaking of which, I probably should get back to it now.